Shady Business
by AnOpenTab
Summary: It's a well-known fact that the only way to combat lies is with pure, unadulterated sarcasm; and ex-SHIELD agent Shade has that down to an art. But it won't bring back her memories — or explain why a certain Norse god looks so familiar — not to mention how much the Avengers initiative is starting to seem like a bad move. Maybe she should've just kept pretending to be dead...
1. First Impressions

**Good evening. Lady Antabella here with an author's note.**

**This is called an introduction. Here it is used to introduce a mysterious stranger :3 Third person point of view will go away immediately because it's nice for setting the stage but it's too impersonal for my likings. I'm warning you now this is the first time I've ever released my writing on the unsuspecting public. And it's un-beta'd. And swears. Yee be warned.**

**Obligatory disclaimer: I actually don't have legal rights to jack squat otherwise I'd be livin like Tony Stark up in here**

**Please, alert me immediately to anything you may deem as speelling or can has grammatical errors - or something that just don't sound right.**

**Chapter 1: First Impressions Shouldn't Involve Homicidal Totalitarian Super-Jerks**

She calmly looked down on the scene below, casually leaning back against the steel girders supporting the catwalks along the walls. A lock of hair fell over her face and she quickly pushed it back into place with a gloved hand. The hawk was in his nest just below her, silently observing the goings on of the extremely top-secret high-security SHEILD laboratory. Apparently, not top secret enough for her to be there. SHELD had gotten lazy since she'd left.

Agent Barton had no idea that she was less than a meter over his head, and eating an old fashioned root-beer flavored hard candy. Exactly the kind he seriously hated because they tasted suspiciously like licorice which he was completely disgusted by ever since that one mission in the Netherlands… long story.

He hadn't changed a bit since she last saw him. Still as recluse as ever, and it looked like he was still into gymnastics. She used to tease him a little bit about that. She wondered if he ever did anything about that adorable little crush he had on a certain red-headed Russian. Probably not. He was never really all that good with people. Especially women. He wasn't really good with feelings either. And both at the same time were a total mess. What _was _he actually good at again? He could kill you twenty different ways before you could say, "pasta!" Right. She had to keep that in mind. If he caught her hanging around, she was as good as dead – or close enough.

As she shifted the candy to the other side of her mouth a man she recognised entered her sightline; Nick Fury. That made her body suddenly tense, her fight or flight instincts kicking in. If Barton was bad, Fury was the bloody Antichrist and she did not want to stick around for _that_. It would be more than a problem if he noticed her. But she knew he wouldn't and tried to force herself to relax a little. He'd never been able to catch her before, after all. Probably the eye patch. The shadows she hid herself in among the rafters wrapped themselves closer around her slight frame, giving her some slight comfort and allowing her to focus on calming her increased pulse.

She took in his conversations with the scientists, and then with agent Barton, the hawk, after he came down from his roost. She was tempted to spit on his head, root beer candy and all, just for a laugh as he climbed down, but stopped herself. A long time ago it would have been funny. Now it could mean life or death.

She saw it all as the "Tesseract" began to "misbehave," as Dr. Selvig had put it. She rolled her eyes at that. What – did chairs have feeling too now? Utter nonsense if anyone asked her. Not that anyone ever would. People tended to put little value on her opinions.

Then it began. The Tesseract was about to go berserk; she could feel the energy coming off of the thing in waves, shocking every nerve in her body. Every instinct she had told her she needed to run and get as far away as she possibly could but all she could do was retreat farther into her shadows until her back was against the wall.

Then the worm-hole opened right in front of her. The blue fire burned her just to look at and she somehow felt the malicious intent stemming from the thing, and she couldn't shake the feeling it was targeting her. It was as if the Tesseract _hated _her.

She could _feel_ what was about to enter her world was a monster, but what she saw when the flames rose… didn't fit. And that face; she _knew _that face. _If only she could remember, _she told no matter how hard she tried that memory was locked away; among the many others she doubted she would ever know again.

She came back to herself as the always articulate Director Fury welcomed the newcomer to Earth.

"Sir! Please _put down_ the spear."

But if you read between the lines he definitely said, "Welcome to Earth." You just had to listen _really_ closely.

Then the newcomer below began destroying things. There was gunfire and explosions, the energy from which made her flinch every time. He took control of Barton and some others; that hurt her a bit. They had never really been friends, but she knew the archer well enough. They both had terrible people skills.

During this time Fury had taken the Tesseract, which had not escaped the man's attention. It didn't surprise her. Fury was never the subtlest of men.

"Please don't – I still need that." the man said in a voice that made her blood run cold.

"This doesn't have to get any messier."

"Of course it does; I've come too far for anything else."

The malicious intent behind every word that man spoke cut through her as much as the pulses of pure energy the Tesseract gave off, chilling her to her core.

"I am Loki, of Asgard. And I am burdened with glorious purpose."

She couldn't help but scoff at this, even if he did terrify her. This was a first-class jerk. What _arrogance_. Just who did he think he was?

_The trickster price; a god from Norse mythology_, something in the back of her mind told her, which was funny because she didn't remember ever learning that anywhere. She mentally shrugged; she must have gone on a mythology frenzy of some sort and just couldn't remember it. That made sense didn't it? As much as anything she supposed.

"Loki? Brother of Thor!"

"We have no quarrel with your people."

"An ant has no quarrel with a boot."

Again, such arrogance. First-class _genocidal_ jerk.

She decided it was time to act. She pulled a black silk mask over her face – no need for Director Fury to know she was still alive after all. That would lead to a rather awkward conversation. If he didn't shoot her on sight first.

The alleged god's back was to her and she took full advantage of this, dropping down silently from her hiding place, allowing the shadows to cushion her fall. Fury saw her clearly as she slid up behind Loki and the men surrounding him, slowly unsheathing one of the two long sleek blades strapped to her back, careful the light would not catch the gleaming metal in a bad way before she was prepared to strike.

"Are you planning to step on us?"

She froze where she stood. Fury was looking directly at her. She glanced his way and saw the hard glare he gave her before turning his attention back to the unruly god. She knew a warning when she saw one. She stepped back and allowed herself to melt back into the shadows as her sword slid back into place, seeing Fury had confidence in some plan of his own.

"I come with _glad_ tidings, of a world made free."

"Free from what?"

"Freedom."

Neither she, nor Fury liked that. First-class genocidal _fascist_ jerk. Now fascist isn't _necessarily _bad, but coupled with genocidal is probably the worst combination you can have. Ever.

"Freedom is life's great lie. Once you accept that, in your heart, you will know peace."

And with that, Dr. Selvig was lost as well.

"Yeah, you say peace. I kind of think you mean the other thing."

If that wasn't a signal of some kind, she didn't care. The situation sucked and she's be damned if she wasn't going to do anything about it.

Barton was about to step forward when she emerged from the shadows and pulled him back, a gloved hand covering his mouth. Most unfortunately, however; this did not go unnoticed, because Clint had begun to say something. She'd made a big mistake. In a flash several guns were trained on her, as well as the business end of one very dangerous looking magical spear. It physically hurt for her to be so close to its energy. Something about it just didn't agree with her dark side.

She let go of Barton and, slowly and deliberately, she raised her hands in surrender-

- Until her hands reached for the handles of the blades. In the blink of an eye they slid out of their sheaths and, after she dived out of the way of a blast from Loki's spear, were whirling about, slicing through fabric and flesh before a single shot could be fired at her. There was gunfire and a hail of bullets cascaded her; each one deflected with a flick of a wrist and a twist of a blade – a skill beyond any human ability.

Barton had found his voice again and used it to express his concern for the building's structural integrity. "Sir, this place is about to blow and drop about a hundred feet of rock on us."

"He's right, the portal is collapsing in on itself, we've got maybe two minutes before this goes critical."

Loki was obviously flustered by her sudden appearance, as well as her stubborn refusal to just die already. Time constraints brought into consideration, it was necessary to end this disturbance quickly.

He got in a lucky shot with the spear that sent her flying into a wall. She let out a sharp cry of pain as the corrosive blue energy surrounded her and her back hit concrete. She fell to the ground with no signs of consciousness.

Fury had attempted to make use of the momentary distraction she had provided, but his escape was promptly ended with a shot from agent Barton and he grabbed the case containing the Tesseract.

Then they just left. None of them so much as glanced back at the two bodies, broken and bleeding, they left behind them.

"Hill, do you copy?" Fury asked, angrily pulling the bullet from his wound.

The residual energy from the Tesseract was going berserk above him. Time to get the hell out of there. He looked to where she had fallen, but… she was gone.

No time to look for her.

"He's got the Tesseract; shut him down." Fury ordered as he staggered out of the building, the vortex collapsing behind him.

A few minutes later Fury was standing in the road, the wreckage of a helicopter burning behind him. He could tell this was going to be a hell of a week, and _not _in a good way.

The tail-lights of the vehicle Loki and his new flying monkeys were riding in were still visible in the distance.

Suddenly a motorcycle sped past him at top speed, in hot pursuit of the fugitives.

One fucking hell of a week.

She gripped the handles of the motorcycle tightly as she sped down old highway. She was gaining on her target fast and they had noticed. She swerved violently to avoid the hail of bullets, followed by a blast of blue energy.

A bead of sweat formed on her brow under the motorcycle helmet. That damned blue energy, whatever it was. It was starting to really piss her off.

She pushed the cycle to its top speed, suddenly lurching towards the other speeding vehicle, before jumping up onto the bike's seat then leaping forward, twisting midair to avoid another bullet. Her feet touched the back of the truck and fingers closed around the side of the bed. She was unable to avoid the next blast - point blank.

She flew backwards and felt the helmet slide of her head. All she had time to think was, "Fuck, this landing is going to hurt."

Well, that's not entirely true. During the split second it took for her to fall backwards off the truck and into the darkness of the unlit street, the arrogant god got his first look at her face through the smoky blue energy setting her nerves on fire. There; for just a fraction of a second, she saw the expression on his face as he blasted her into a world of pain.

Recognition.

He _knew _her.

Then she hit the ground. Hard.

"Stop!" the Asgardian shouted, and the driver slammed the brakes.

Loki leaped from the back of the truck and ran down the road a short ways, searching for the battered body that had to be there. But it wasn't. She had disappeared.

He stooped down and picked up the helmet, the only trace he could find of her. He went a little farther and there was the motorcycle, lying broken and abandoned in the middle of the road. Nothing more.

Reluctantly, he gave up trying to search for her in the dark with nothing but the glow from the Tesseract-powered spear and returned to the truck.

It drove away with her clinging tightly to the shadows of the vehicle's underside.

**Review, even if you're dyslexic!**


	2. Never Give a Lunatic Your Cell Number

**Shit gets real. Also the swear count increases dramatically.**

**Teeny tiny edits made to chapter one. Purely typos I totally missed. Pay it no attention.**

**Disclaimer: Batman owns the Avengers. Seriously.**

**Chapter Two: One More Reason To Avoid Evil Liars**

_Dear Director Nicholas Fury;_

_How have you been? I hope you're having a fantastic time cleaning up that sociopathic mother-fucker's mess. I know I am._

_I'm sorry to say I haven't been too well. My memory is fucked as ever, the angels have my phone box, and I haven't had a decent breakfast all week. But don't worry; I didn't text you just to bitch about my problems._

_I have two very important things to tell you._

_1) You should trim your beard soon; it's starting to look really stupid._

_2) You might want to trace this message because I'm right in the fucking middle of Loki's villain-cave._

_Get the fuck over here soon. It's really boring here._

_Please bring waffles._

_Hugs and kisses,_

_Your friendly neighborhood anonymous tip provider who happens to know your phone number and totally not because I killed a dude to get it, I swear this time I didn't._

_P.S. Shade's still totally dead, so anyone you run into who may look sort of like her is obviously just an incredible facsimile. Do not shoot them in the knee caps on sight. Please._

"Aaaand, send."

Subtlety had never really been one of my strong suits. Not when it comes to SHIELD anyway. However; I think we can all agree that this text is a work of art. And… send. And here I was worried this wouldn't be any fun.

Now; in the first place, I never thought I would be stupid enough to spy on SHEILD. I had sworn off that bureaucracy and bullshit when I'd left it over a year ago and so far it had been going pretty well for me. A lot less stress headaches, no more mortal peril unless I _really _felt like it, no more government – kissing Council ass was never something I overly enjoyed being forced to do. But I just couldn't leave well enough alone now could I? I just _had_ to check out all this Tesseract hullabaloo.

So imagine my surprise when I realised just what the crap I was doing hanging from the underside of the getaway vehicle of some arrogant bratty-assed "god" then sneaking into his evil hideout and snooping around. What in the holy name of Mag-fricking-neto did I think I was doing?!

But I felt like I knew this Loki guy from somewhere, whoever he was and wherever he was from. I wasn't about to let that slide. Any leads on my pitifully fragmented memory were too few and far between to ignore. Something inside me needed to know who he was. Who _I_ was. And besides, I had never passed up an opportunity to tie up loose ends before.

Of course, upon realizing I had made a really, _really_ stupid decision, I elected to send dear old Director Fury a friendly text vaguely explaining the situation in hopes that he would get over here and wrap up this little episode as quickly as possible. Preferably with greater force than last time. It didn't really matter if he knew I was alive now I supposed. Of course it probably only felt safe to tell myself that because he wasn't there. But it wasn't like he'd be able to catch me anyway... at least I really hoped not.

The little voice of reason in the back of my head was saying I should probably get as far away as possible from the building I was sneaking around in right away, before SHEILD showed up and, more likely than not, caught me doing my sneaky thing. I was just sticking around to make sure my new playmates got home safely. And by that I mean to a padded fucking cell.

I slowly pulled myself a little further through the vents. I could hear someone talking nearby, and there was nothing else to do but eavesdrop.

I slid up to the opening in the vent system looking over Barton's new office. I would have to congratulate him on his promotion before the end of this friendly visit.

I peered through the grate to see the hawk talking to my lovely new god friend. It seemed they'd just finished discussing something to do with the big move into the old building. I wasn't concerned with that. Barton had some old friends in low places. That was all you really needed to know.

I frowned in disappointment as I realised I had caught only the tail end of the conversation and Loki mover to leave. As soon as he started to leave, though, he stopped.

Loki looked like something was on his mind, and after a moment of hesitation he finally asked, "What do you know of that woman that tried to follow us?"

He looked… concerned? It was an odd expression I couldn't quite place.

"She's a former colleague - went by the codename Shade. Approximately nineteen months ago she was assumed to have been killed in a large explosion on a mission in Siberia. Can't imagine why she'd play dead."

"You knew her?"

"We were never very close, but I knew her more than most. She was good at getting to know people without revealing much about herself in the process. It made her a good spy, though she always seemed to fumble around social interaction when not on the job. She lost a lot of memory a few months before she went missing."

I already knew all this, obviously. I was glad Clint didn't know me well enough to say anything about me other than a little basic history, but really the story wasn't interesting. The interesting part was Loki's reaction to the intel; he was frustrated. If I could figure out why that was, I had a feeling I'd be one step closer to figuring out where those missing pieces of my memory were.

"Did anything… abnormal happen on the day her memory was damaged?"

"I wouldn't know; I was too busy watching your brother return to wherever he came from when it happened."

Loki and I simultaneously stiffened, and as creepy as that was, I ignored it and focused on the big picture. I hadn't been informed of that detail.

Loki nodded stiffly and took his leave.

Seeing how there was nothing more to be gained from sticking around any longer, I creeped my way further through the vents. I came to dead end and decided the only way to go was up. I backtracked to the nearest bend and painstakingly climbed my way up a story. In my slinking about I came across an area closed off with plastic and crawling with at least a dozen scientists. Dr. Selvig was directing them, working on the magic cube of pure evil. I'd have already stolen or broken it hours ago if I didn't think the thing would disintegrate me if I so much as got within three feet of it. Maybe I was right before. Maybe the thing did hate me.

I shuffled a little further until I heard the tell-tale shriek of breaking rusted metal. It was an old building, after all.

"Oh shit."

The shadows desperately tried to pull me back in to them, but having no real physical form didn't really help their grip. I fell two stories, and the open area bellow was just barely too well light to allow any shadows to catch me. It fucking hurt.

Here's the thing about falls. Broken bones aren't automatic until the third story. Fourth story is when the potentially permanently crippling injuries start happening. At the second story you're not going to get more than a sprain or a bruise unless you land badly. I was lucky and managed to land mostly face down, so my arms and legs were, more or less, able to act as crappy shock absorbers – which worked a lot better than landing on my back. Aside from the obvious damages to the spine, the padding of one's derrière can only take so much. Take it from me; a fractured tail bone is goddamn painful.

I stumbled to my feet and tried my best to get my bearings, but it was no good. I was sore and shaken from the surprise crash landing, and there were no shadows in sight to draw the pain away. The scientists were all going ape-shit, obviously, and not in a good way.

I looked down to make sure I hadn't landed on anyone. Nope, no problem there. Assessment of collateral damage complete, I determined it was probably time to get my ass the fuck out of there as soon as possible. Evaluating situation… no one gives a damn about what I'm doing; they're too busy having little geeky panic attacks. It was a lucky break.

I high tailed it out of there as fast as I could and kept going until I found the nearest dark corner to hide in. It just so happened that said dark corner was the locker room.

… Or something…

It had clothes in it, that's all that matters.

I grabbed a random lab coat and threw it on over the black SHEILD issue jump suit. I'd worn it as a disguise for the SHEILD lab as much as for nostalgic purposes. So far it had proven pretty useless.

I buttoned up the coat to hide most of the uniform and rushed back out into the hallway.

And immediately bumped into the very ass-holes I was trying to avoid, who, coincidentally, seemed to be heading to investigate the very mess I had created just a few moments ago. This "covert" mission was rapidly getting shot right to Hell.

I found myself suddenly uncomfortably close to a certain Norse god and his hate-powered stick of blue evil. I immediately looked down to try and keep him from seeing my face, out of habit.

"So sorry sir," I exclaimed and tried to run in the opposite direction.

But he grabbed my arm.

I gritted my teeth and kept looking at the floor. The energy from the Tesseract seeping from the spear in Loki's other hand was reacting violently and the impending migraine was making me impatient and… panicky. I couldn't hold on to existing for long like this.

"Excuse me, terribly sorry, please, I have things to attend to… experiments and… blueberries…"

I quickly ran out of words in my excuse vocabulary.

The grip on my arm slightly shifted and, reflexively, I looked up. He saw my face. Our eyes met. Alarms started going off.

"Aw fuck."

I jumped up, twisting my arm in Loki's grip and, after planting both my feet square in the middle of his chest, pushed off as hard as I could, flipping myself backwards. Needless to say, it broke his grip.

Oddly enough, he looked as surprised more than anything. But that quickly changed to pissed off.

After the briefest of pauses I decided it was time for a tactical retreat.

"… Toodaloo!" I smiled and waved goodbye.

I don't think I'd run so fast in my life. I was sliding around corners and down halls. I didn't even look back to see if I'd lost him, though from the lack of exploding things I'd assume I had.

The glow of an exit sign caught my eye and I made a bee-line for the door. As I breathed fresh night air, I finally realised those alarms I was hearing weren't in my head. And they weren't exactly my fault either.

"Agent Shade. What a surprise meeting you here."

"Oh _hey_, ex-boss…"

"I'm still the boss."

"Right. So… I guess it's too late for me to turn around and walk back into the building like nothing happened."

The dozen rifles targeting me told me yes.

**I've created a monster. And she's a total spaz. What have I done.**

**Our dashing heroine has been captured! What is in store for her now?**

**Reviews make things better. I promise - no lies!**


	3. When In Doubt, Break Out

**Disclaimer: The USSR owns the Avengers. It doesn't exist anymore, so don't ask me how, but it does.**

**...**

**Chapter 3: Let's Ignore the Obvious Problem Just For Now**

"Look, I'm _really _sorry for not telling you guys I wasn't dead — and you can tell Nicky that; I kinda got a little sidetracked — but does that really merit an interrogation, Natalia?"

The Back Widow raised an amused eyebrow at me. I was still the only one that called her Natalia instead of Natasha. "'Nicky' certainly seems to thinks so." I didn't miss the ghost of a smirk slightly pulling up the corner of her mouth.

"Pfft. The Council doesn't pay Nick to _think_ anything; they pay him to shut up and take orders. I smell higher-ups."

Agent Romanov smiled a little. "If that's what you think."

"How are you, by the way?" I asked seriously. She and I both knew what I meant. Clint and Nat were as close as partners could be.

"I'm doing alright," she answered honestly, "but I've been better."

"Yeah, maniacs threatening life as we know it can do that sometimes."

"You look way worse than me right now though, you know."

I laughed. "Yeah, maniacs threatening _my_ life as I know it can do that sometimes."

"What did you think you were doing getting involved anyway?"

I frowned and pursed my lips, debating whether or not to reveal anything. Nat was _not _going to take the "felt like it" excuse. Not on anything involving SHIELD. She knew just a _bit _too well to fall for that one.

"Same reason I do most stupid things nowadays," I said, beating around the bush, but silently hoping she's catch my meaning.

"You mean besides plain stupidity in itself?" she asked. Her tone was light and joking, but her mouth was set in a hard line and her eyes were dead serious.

She didn't need to ask. I risked a small nod, hardly more than could be mistaken for an intake of breath. I moved my hand to brush an errant strand of hair out of my vision, letting it linger for just a moment at my temple and subtly tapping my index finger once before pushing the hair behind my ear.

"Behind every stupid action is an even stupider reason," I shrugged, continuing the conversation.

"Still haven't learned your lesson?"

"I'm getting there."

It sounded like a joke. Only the two of us could read the subtext.

Natalia nodded to convey her understanding. I had no doubt she had a dozen more questions to ask, but no time to do so in and certainly not enough subtle gestures and clever double entendres to get answers from. She knew there were things I would not say under SHIELD surveillance and I knew there were some things she would not let me say. Every once in a while it was good to have a friend.

Then her gaze jerked suddenly down, a sign I'd learned to recognize as an involuntary reaction to someone talking in her ear. "Well, I have other things to do," she informed me and turned to leave, as she was probably ordered.

I rolled my eyes and gave her the 'Really? Do you remember who you're talking to?' look.

She just rolled her eyes right back and said, "Try not to escape."

"But that's what I _do_!"

Agent Coulson and Director Fury watched the interrogation on a screen in the main control room of the hover-carrier.

Fury leaned forward and held down a button that connected him to some glorified secretary elsewhere on the ship. "Call off agent Romanov. She's not getting anything out of her any time soon." He leaned back then continued to gripe, "I don't like it. She shows up the second the Tesseract business starts to go south, then immediately gets herself knee deep in all this Loki bullshit. What kind of angle is she working?"

"What makes you think she has an angle?" Coulson asked.

"That's how it is with this woman. She always has an angle. There's something in this for her. The Council seems to think she has ties to Loki."

"With all due respect sir, I don't think that's likely."

"Neither do I; but the Council makes a habit of ignoring my advice."

"Should I tell agent Romanov to refocus the interrogation efforts on Loki?"

"I think that wou-"

Suddenly a miscellaneous SHEILD employee ran into the room shouting, "Director, the prisoner code named Shade has escaped!" effectively cutting off Nick Fury mid-sentence.

"Then why the _hell_ are you here? Locate her now!"

Incidentally, I had probably chosen the last place anyone would want look as my hiding place. I dropped down from a catwalk, climbed up a ladder, shimmied across a roof beam, and silently dropped down onto the cylindrical Hulk-level holding cell. My feet held in place by an ample amount of shadow, I let almost my entire body fall forward and hit the glass, arms crossed.

"Boo," I deadpanned as my forehead smacked against the cage. Ow. That hurt. But it wouldn't be funny if I let him know that.

The brooding devil inside was dumbfounded. He just stood there with a horrified look in his eyes for a long moment. I was almost afraid I broke his mind.

"Uh… you okay mister?" I asked with an eyebrow cocked.

And he was glaring at me. There, back to normal; all fixed.

… Wait… normal for him is a homicidally insane, fascist sociopath, with the powers of a demi-god, hell-bent on enslaving the human race. Dammit that is not fixed!

I scowled at him, trying to figure out what to do about him. I let the shadows gracefully pick me up flip me over and turn me around, to face my victim right-side-up. This was almost unbearably exhausting. I was pulling out all the stops to make myself seem impressive.

He didn't seem to care in the least what I had just done.

Impressing a Norse god was turning out just as difficult as I'd imagined.

"So… Hi. I'm Shady."

Still no reply, but he seemed to be thinking now, that's an improvement I guess.

"You're Loki," I continued. "…What else?"

"What do you want?" he asked finally.

The truth was I desperately needed his help. I wish I could have just put my pride aside for that moment and ask him for it, but… I didn't. He had no reason I was aware of to help me; in fact the opposite – he had every reason to want to screw me over. So it became a war of attrition.

"Nothin'," I replied. "Oh, but if SHEILD guys show up and I suddenly disappear, just tell them I was never here, kay?"

"… No."

He was pissed off at me for some reason. This struck me as odd; he was the kind of ass-hole that would just love to smile and chat just to screw with your head and more effectively fuck shit up later. The kind of guy that favors psychological warfare and deception.

"Well, fine, who needs you," I mocked hurt.

Some kind of switch seemed to get flipped as he looked me in the eye. He was searching for something there, and, not finding it, he finally accepted I wasn't who he thought I was.

I was taken aback by myself as I realized I had read all that in his expression in little more than a few seconds. But the thing that bothered me most wasn't even that I didn't know how I could tell all that; it was that I felt a little sorry for him in knowing it. I likely _was_ who he thought I was – I mean, why else would I feel like I knew him — but I couldn't bring myself to say so. I still couldn't remember. I was still trying to figure out who I was to him, and vice versa.

"So, um… how's the villain stuff going?" I asked lamely.

Whatever link he had to me severed, the evil came back. That wicked smile he had crept back into his expression.

"Of all people you call me the villain? Why don't you take a look at your precious world. You're a liar and killer in the service of liars and killers, and these are the men you seek to protect? I offer an e-"

"Boo! Hiss! Boo! Wrong answer. I already got the 'burdened with glorious purpose,' speech you nut job. That's not going to work on me; I'm not on some righteous quest and I know it. You can try it on Coulson though, that might be entertaining."

He glared at me.

"What? I know perfectly well what I am. I am a liar and I am a killer, and you know what?" I gave him a wicked smile; the kind I used in interrogations. "I am perfectly okay with that." He cringed. "You're right. I'm a monster. So what does that make you?"

He was speechless.

"I win," I stated. "You're really not a very good villain you know that?"

"Don't insult me you mewling-"

"Ah - I'm just going to stop you right there before you embarrass yourself anymore."

"How dare you."

"I'm doing you a favor. You can thank me later."

"Is your sole purpose here simply to annoy me?"

"Yes. Yes, it is."

His eyes narrowed in suspicion. "Why are you actually here?"

"Hmm... I guess because I'm selfish. If there wasn't potentially something in this for me I probably couldn't be bothered to intervene as much as I have. Well, maybe I would have for Barton's sake; I still owe him a few. And Nat. Oh, I forgot about Nat! I wouldn't interfere in her revenge though; that would be rude."

The conversation slipped so seamlessly into a casual tone I didn't even notice it had happened.

He raised a mildly amused eyebrow at me. "You have that little sympathy for these people?"

"I suppose. I only stick my neck out for people I care about. In this case me."

"So what's in this for you?"

"Re-appropriation of valuable intellectual property."

"… I'm not sure I get what you mean."

"Ever had that feeling you've forgotten something really, really important but can't for the life of you remember what it is?"

"I suppose."

"Imagine that, but multiplied by a thousand, and _all the time. _I don't like it. It's not a pleasant feeling. I want it to go away. I've spent the last goddamn year trying to figure out what it is I've forgotten - I wandered around the whole goddamn world looking — and I get nothing, and then you just stroll in and you're giving me a freaking headache!"

Big mistake. I'd gone and opened my big mouth again.

He began to say something, without doubt an insult that would feed his narcissism in some roundabout way, but he seemed to stop himself, truly realizing what I'd said. "Do you-"

I knew where this was going. I suddenly got really close to the glass saying, "Shh, shh, do you hear that?"

Baffled, "What?" he asked.

"I think I hear the Justice League calling."

"I don't hear anything…"

And I was back in the shadows and unseen.

**I'm all over the place with this. I'm crying.**

**This chapter is dedicated to DC's continuing lack of ability to compete with Marvel's monopoly on comic book superhero movies. Get your shit together DC! I want a Flash, Batwoman, Captain Marvel (or Shazam or whatever you need to call him) and a PROPER Green Lantern right now Hollywood!**

**PS: Stop arguing over who has the rights to what Marvel characters! Just get that Deadpool movie done and get it done right! Goodness gracious Hollywood! (also get everything away from FOX asap please)**

**Review, even if you like Aquaman!**


	4. Because Murphy's Law's a Dick

**Disclaimer: disclaiming disclaimer disclaims**

**Chapter Four: Anything That Can Go Wrong Will Go Wrong**

I sat on top of Loki's cell for half an hour just sulking. Obviously he had no idea I was up there or he'd probably be getting whiney and annoying. Finally I decided it was time to pick myself up and do something before I got caught; because really it was only a matter of time since I didn't plan on leaving any time soon and just hiding out alone was boring me out of my mind. I was still wearing the SHEILD jumpsuit so I figured I'd make some use of it and fool all the silly little expendable agents who didn't know me.

I strolled into the hall and the first thing I noticed was that the place was no longer on high alert. That likely meant Fury was looking around for me personally, and _that_ likely meant he was in a right foul mood and I did not want to run into him. I'd only been on the carrier a handful of times before, as it had hardly just been built when I'd jumped ship and gone off on my own. I had no idea where I was going.

Statistically speaking, hiding in one place has its benefits. Chances of getting found drop exponentially in accordance with the size of the area one is hiding in. In a place with the sheer surface area of the hovercarrier my chances of being found with only Fury and maybe Hill and Coulson actually looking were probably a little less than one in a million if I stayed in one spot. Moving around is a bit of a gamble as you're essentially handing your fate over to chance and luck – those unpredictable little clusterfucks of chaos. This is all in retrospect though, so you can see where that leads us. Logic and I are bitter old enemies.

I wandered down the halls rather nonchalantly. I looked around, explored a bit. When I was met with others I made it look like I had someplace important to be. Everyone who works for SHEILD knows that when you need to be someplace, you _need_ to be someplace. No one bothered me.

As a sort of early warning system I sent the shadows across the roof ahead and around corners, looking for Hill, Coulson, or Fury – the only people that would try to catch me if I ran into them. I was so focused on who wasn't ahead of me I walked right into who was right around the corner. It was someone big.

"Ah- sorry mister I… Dear god you're Captain America."

"Oh, sorry, I don't think we've met." Steve Rodgers smiled down at me. Even in his civilian clothes there was no mistaking it; I was inches away from Captain Freaking America. I think I nearly had a heart attack and died. "Are you alright ma'am?"

I realised I was staring like a child seeing TV for the first time. "Um, I'm agent Shade. Uh… sorry for staring," I apologised. "I'd heard about you getting found in the ice and all, but I had no idea you were even here." It was true. I wasn't stupid; I'd coded in a backdoor in SHEILD security as soon as I got a high enough security clearance to do it without getting caught. I was a lousy hacker so it was the best I could do, but it came in handy.

"Yeah, I was a little surprised myself when they told me about the job, but it doesn't seem like I'll be needed anyway. Loki and his friends have all been captured, and we have the cube back. All that's left is to decide where to put him."

"All of them were captured?" I asked, innocently.

"Yeah, they're all in prison cells on the lower levels. Didn't you know that?"

"I think I slept through the briefing," I sheepishly fake-admitted. "I've been working late hours lately."

"Things seem to have been pretty hectic," he sympathised.

"Well, it was an honour to meet you Captain Rodgers, thanks for your help."

"Likewise, Ms. Shade."

We parted ways, but then I quickly turned back around.

"Oh, um, you know Director Fury…?" I asked quickly putting on an anxious face.

"Of course," he replied, concerned by my sudden distress.

"Well, he asked me to do some paperwork but I dropped the files somewhere, so if you see him, and if he asks if you've seen someone that looks like me, can you _please_ say you haven't? I just need a little more time to find them," I pleaded. I gave him the sad eyes for extra effect.

"Will do ma'am."

"Thank you so much!" I let out a relieved sigh, hand over my heart. "I owe you Mr. Rodgers!" Thank you early 40's perceptions of women. I shot him a winning smile then ran off down the hall.

Like taking babies from a candy.

Mmmm… candy.

"Rodgers!" Fury shouted at the Super Soldier as he strode down the hallway.

"Director Fury," Steve greeted, a little surprised. Fury looked, well, furious. "Something I can help you with?"

"Yes as a matter of fact. Have you seen a skinny woman with black hair but white in the front, probably pulled up? About yay tall, weird dark purple eyes?"

"… No sir, I can't say I have."

"Well, if you do, beat the crap out of her and escort her to a high-security holding cell."

Fury then stalked off in a seething rage.

Steve assumed Fury was exaggerating but wow, those must have been some pretty important files Ms. Shade lost.

So. Barton's on the lower levels then.

Mua. Ha. Ha.

Naturally, I snuck down to the prison levels. I owed Clint that much.

"Helooo? Hawkyface? Are you down here?"

Something was horribly wrong. The place was pitch black, and the dark was screaming at me to run. Even though the shadows are the ones who know me best, this time I pushed their advice aside. I was strongest in the dark.

I knelt down and focused on the shadows around me. I felt every patch of darkness on the floor in the edges of my mind. Clint wasn't there. The word trap was all over this in metaphorical flashing lights.

So I turned around and left, locking the doors behind me. I didn't have time for this.

What; you didn't _actually_ expect me to go running around fighting everyone down there for no reason did you? How stupid do you think I am? I have a hawk on the loose to deal with!

"HEY I'M PISSED OFF NOW, AND YOU'RE ALL CRAZY, BUT HAWKEYE'S OUT NOW, SO GET OFF YOUR ASSES MAYBE!" I find that in horribly hideous situations running around, shout-singing slightly dated references, and being generally obnoxious is not only a great stress relief but also an absolutely fantastic way to get people's attention.

Thank god Natalia found me before Fury did. "Nat! Clint's escaped and the whole detention level's a mess. I've sealed it off but Barton's not there and I don't know how many others."

Natalia visibly blanched. She knew I never lied or joked about stuff like that.

All she could say to me was, "Affirmative." She turned on her communication link. "Director Fury, Baton's escaped and he's somewhere loose in the hovercarrier." That was all she needed to say for the craft to go back on high alert.

Nat informed me Fury had put the whole ship on total lockdown and we split up to flush out the enemy. Some training never leaves you.

Suddenly there was a large explosion somewhere on the carrier that shook the whole craft. It sounded like it came from the vicinity of the control room based on my very limited knowledge of the layout of the craft. There was _no way_ Barton would solo the control room; it was completely covered in highly trained SHEILD agents (I noticed when I was snooping around looking for Loki earlier), so the explosion was undoubtedly a distraction.

There were only one other places on the ship Clint would strategically go for. Natalia was already likely checking out all his favorite hiding spots (she always knew where they were) so that left me to make sure our resident damsel in distress was still under lock and key.

The holding facility was locked down, but I knew that wouldn't stop Barton because I already knew it couldn't stop me. I knew this because I was already in and looking down from the roof, of course. I hopped down to make sure Princess Peach was having a miserable time, witty greeting at the ready.

But Loki wasn't there.

Bowzer was going to be pissed.

**Wow, that Mario analogy works surprisingly well.**


	5. Let's Fix The Avengers!

**Inconsistency in update speed. Yeah.**

**This is rapidly becoming borderline crack.**

**Disclaimer: I own a laptop. That's pretty much it.**

**Chapter 5: Trying to Fix Something By Throwing It Against a Wall Usually Doesn't work, But it's Worth a Shot**

I was wrong about the explosion being a distraction. It turns out; freaking Thor decided it was cool to bust a hole in the hover-carrier and start smashing stuff up looking for his brother (ironically, this actually allowed Loki and lackeys to escape with the cosmic cube of destruction). Thankfully Captain Freaking America and Natalia were able to calm the big guy down before he made it to Dr. Banner's lab and shit got really real. About an hour later Stark arrived on a fancy private jet (surprise, surprise) and had a huge nerd-bonding moment with Bruce, in which they mentioned something about a stabilizing agent and temperature and that was as far as I followed. So everyone previously mentioned was now sitting or standing around a table along with Coulson and Hill while Bowzer finished yelled at me for "letting" Mario run off With Princess Peach.

"As of right now, you will be placed under protective security-"

"So you want me to help?"

"-In order to locate and apprehend the global threat known as Loki-"

"So you want me to help?"

"-As well as retrieving captive agents and civilians-"

"So you want me to help?"

"-And as part of the disciplinary action being taken for your actions-"

"I think you want me to help."

"You are to assist the Avengers initiative in any and all ways possible."

"Yay! You like me, you really like me! And the Council is not going to accept that, hooray!"

"To hell with the Council," Fury said, producing an audible gasp from me, "What they don't know can't hurt them."

I looked up at the man in awe. "I take back every horrible thing I ever said about you. You, sir, are a god. No blasphemy intended." I hastily added the last part after a quick glance at Thor. The, you know, actual Norse god.

"I do not understand," Thor said. I deemed him safe to ignore only after I was sure everyone else was planning to.

"Well, I'd like to take this opportunity to say, welcome to the super special awesome team everyone. I am codename Shade. Pleasure to make all your acquaintances."

Natalia shook her head at me. "Great to see that social graces continue to elude you."

"I am a master of social graces. I am graceful as shit," I insisted.

Stark was the first to shake my hand. "I like you already kiddo."

He did not just call me kiddo.

"I'm seventy-eight," I deadpanned.

He just laughed. I was tempted to roll my eyes, but instead I smiled politely. Fury probably found Stark's reaction at least a little amusing, though he didn't show it.

"Dr. Banner; I read one of your papers once, I greatly enjoyed it." I smiled and shook his hand. "Couldn't understand most of it without going through twenty pages of Wikipedia, but that's what I get for dropping biology. Either way you're work's great."

"Not to mention the way you turn into an enormous green rage monster," Tony chimed in.

"Uh… Thanks," Bruce replied, uncertain whether he'd just been complimented or mocked.

"Agent Romanov," I nodded to my old co-worker.

"Good to have you back," she nodded in return.

"Ass holes," I nodded to Fury, Coulson and Hill.

They all glared at me. They weren't strictly bad people (even Fury wasn't _totally _morally bankrupt) but they were too eager to take orders from them. All three had convinced themselves that doing the Council's work without question was doing the world good. I would continue pushing them to ask the questions that needed asking, even if it made them hate me.

Thor decided it would be perfectly socially acceptable to kiss my hand in greeting. "A pleasure Lady Shade." I had to grit my teeth and bare it. The SHIELD agents in the room were on alert.

"Uh, yeah okay," I said finally, as he released my hand.

"Forgive me, but have our paths crossed before now?" he asked, surprising me, and all the other Avengers.

"I don't _think _so… Nick?"

"Should such an event have occurred that information would now be classified," Fury informed me, crossing his arms.

I threw my hands in the air in frustration. "Oh for the love of fuck!" I glared at him. "This is exactly why I left SHEILD. It is _impossible_ to get my memory back when everything I've ever done is bloody classified!"

The room went deadly silent. I could see most of the Avengers were trying to find a delicate way to ask about my memories. Even Stark seemed to recognise it was likely a touchy subject. Memories are personal things. Not that I wouldn't talk about it; it's hard to be personal about something you essentially never had – or rather, can't remember having — but they were right to assume it was an unpleasant topic.

"So…" Steve broke the silence, "You're _not_ a SHEILD agent?"

Glad for the change of subject, I readily replied, "A year and a half ago and the answer would have been yes, but seeing as how I've officially been dead for an equal amount of time, I think it's safe for me to consider myself freelance. Sorry for misleading you Captain Rogers."

Now that that was taken care of, Fury turned to Hill and Coulson. "Have a team go down and clean up the detention level as soon as possible. I want to know who's accounted for."

"Just shut off all the trash compactors," I said, "they'll be _fine_."

The whole room looked at me like I had just magically grown a goat head, except for Banner and Stark who were snickering in the corner.

"Get it? Trash compactors? On the detention level?" I attempted to evoke a little more reaction from the others.

More silence from them.

"Really? _Two out of seven_ get a Star Wars reference? Mr. Fury, I'd like to report some serious insufficiencies with my working conditions."

"Ma'am, I don't think now is the time to be making jokes," Rogers stated.

"Then when _is _the time? Better to make them now while you still can; you might not get another chance. I'd rather my last words were hilarious than meaningless or boring."

Steve merely blinked back at me in surprise.

"And what does that mean?" Natalia asked.

I shot her a look like she's just said something absurdly ridiculous. "I don't know. Why does everything have to mean something?" I demanded.

"I think you may have just contradicted yourself a little," Bruce offered.

"What? No I didn't."

"Is she always like this?" Steve asked Natalia.

"You'll get used to it."

I glared at her. "I'll make lunatics out of you yet. Give me a week. You'll see things my way soon enough."

Almost all the prisoners that were initially captured were still in the detention level and were quickly rounded up and placed back in cells. Aside from Barton only a handful were missing. Dr. Selvig was one of them; and this was the main problem.

"I'm so bored!" I wailed in dismay.

The assorted SHIELD agents trying to maneuver around me as I lay sprawled across the hallway floor were indifferent to my plight.

What do people usually do when they have nothing to do? I tried to think. Normally to dissuade boredom I went out and found something to do, or some trouble to cause. If I was really desperate I called up my old mercenary buddies and asked if they had any jobs for me. That was always a decent way to pass time, and it never failed to keep me occupied for a few days. Other times I just ordered takeout and ate my way out of boredom.

None of those options were going to fly on _this_ hellecarrier.

I decided my best option was to, well, get up and maybe do something. I figured Tony and Bruce would be fun to talk to so I spent the day bothering them. Friendships happened.

"Hey Bruce," I asked after three hours of playing twenty questions, "Have you ever been in love?"

Tony actually spat his coffee halfway across the room.

"Impressive spit take bro." I nodded his way.

"Why do you ask?" Bruce asked, fiddling with some equipment nervously.

"Oh, it's because pancakes don't grow on doghouses - I'm asking because I want to know."

"That sarcasm should come with a warning."

"Come on Bruce please?"

"Yeah Brucie, give us the dirt," Tony pleaded in my support.

"Yes, okay?" he almost snapped, but since it was Bruce it still came out sounding pretty meek, "I was. Her name was Betty Ross."

"... And you loved her?" I asked, cautiously.

"Yeah, I think I did."

"So what happened?" Tony asked suddenly seriously interested.

"It didn't work out," Bruce replied, turning away from us.

"Trouble in bed," I whispered to Tony, who suppressed a giggle.

"I'm guessing a certain green giant who isn't a friendly vegetable-man had a hand in it?" I asked, allowing Tony a moment to compose himself.

Banner nodded slightly and added, "Her father and I didn't really see eye to eye."

"Wait... her father wasn't _general _Ross? The crazy son-of-a-bitch that shot you with _tanks -—_more than once? And also civilians?" Tony demanded.

I gave a low whistle, impressed. "I know most people don't necessarily get along with the in-laws but that's taking it to a whole new level."

"Relationships are enough trouble on their own," Tony agreed.

"If tanks aren't reasonable grounds for a date to go south I think it'd at least be justifiable homicide," I added.

Bruce gave us another weak Banner smile for our troubles.

"Wait, since when is homicide _below_ bad date?" Tony asked me.

"… My sociopath's showing again isn't it?"

"At least you're not blowing up colleges am I right?" Tony joked.

Bruce gave him a dejected look. I buried my face in my hands in empathetic shame.

"Too soon?" Tony asked.

"How about you Tony? Ever been in love?" Bruce asked, shifting attention away from himself.

"What, have you been hiding under a rock? The tabloids love me and my wife!"

"... Tony you're not married," I stated.

"Our relationship is just so strong it feels like marriage."

"Oh god, not this again. Why don't you just propose to Pepper already?"

"Pepper? I was talking about JARVIS."

"Nice."

"What are you guys talking about?" Steve asked, entering the lab, followed by Thor. Blondes of a feather apparently flock together.

"Love," Tony answered quickly with a mischievous look. "Thor's got his nerd lady, and Wonderboy's still not over his dead girlfriend-"

"Holy crap Tony you're an asshole!" I exclaimed with my usual knack for pointing out the obvious.

"I know. Now what about you Shady?"

"What about me?"

"Don't play dumb with us Shady."

"Who says I'm playing? Was is Natalia? Has she been telling people I'm smart again? Because I'm really not."

"Come on, give us the dirt."

Nat walked in at just that moment and, after seeing all the male Avengers crowded around me with Tony looking especially accusing, and knowing me, made some assumptions. "What's she done this time?"

"Oh good the whole gang's here now," Tony grinned. "So kiddo, tell us. Have you ever been in love?"

Nat was interested too now.

"Don't call me kiddo," I frowned, disapprovingly at Tony.

"Too late. You're the team's little sister and there's nothing you can do about it."

"You are childish," Natalia provided in support.

"I am more than twice your age. Respect your elders."

"I'll respect your age when you act it," she shot back.

"When the yeas start piling up you can get old and crotchety or you can get old and futty-dutty. Given the choice between the two I don't mind acting a little childish."

"Okay, seventy-eight isn't that old."

"Then I'm practicing."

The rest of the team looked at us in silence.

"You're shitting me," Tony finally broke the silence.

"I shit you not," I retorted. "By the way, what am I not shitting about?"

Nat sighed and swep her hand towards me in a half-hearted presentational manner. "Ladies and gentlemen, agent codename Shade. Date of birth 1934. Secret agent since 1949."

"You're joking." Tony stated, matter-of-factly.

"There's no way," Bruce muttered.

"I'm sorry, but something like that just isn't possible," Steve decided.

"Says the eighty year old man," I countered.

"She's lived through almost the entire Cold War, serving deep behind enemy lines in East Germany, Russia, Hungary, North Korea, China, Vietnam, Cuba, and Afghanistan," Nat continued.

"Jesus. What the hell were you doing Shady?"

I shrugged. "Sabotage mostly. Also jail breaks and information theft. A little assassination every now and again. If it was morally ambiguous I was out and about doing it 'for the good of the nation.' They made it sound _very _patriotic. In the end all it was was a bunch of old men that were willing to send their countries to die in a fucking game of who's a bigger bigot and were prepared to obliterate anyone that got in their way."

"You know it's when you talk like this I'm almost glad I only caught the end of the Cold War," Nat muttered.

"I'm not sure how I'd compare our luck on that. On one hand I lived trough the whole damn thing. On the other, I was American. You were Russian and that's an unfortunate happenstance for a Cold War spy, even during detente."

"This conversation is spiraling out of control."

"When was all this?" Steve asked, seemingly lost.

"Immediately after the end of World War Two, all the way into the early nineties."

Steve paled.

"Ever since Germany surrendered it seems like America's default setting is war. We're bombing these people here today, tomorrow we'll overthrow that dictator, never mind the collateral damage because they're not American. Another school shooting, another act of terrorism, another Patriot Act, another increase in the wealth gap. It's gang wars, it's class wars, it's race wars, it's religious wars, it's war on terror; it's a fucking battlefield – forget about Afghanistan and Iraq."

"This discussion's taken a dark turn."

"We've gotten off topic."

"Shade, stop using the current sociopolitical climate to distract us from your love life!"

"We're not giving you a choice, Shade. Now tell us, have you ever been in love?"

I bit my lip in frustration. "Once that I can remember, I think."

The Avengers then magically turned into a bunch of giggling school girls.

"Calm down. It was a long time ago. It was another life."

"Spill!" Tony demanded.

"Just how long ago are we talking here?" Nat asked, as if this were a serious interrogation.

"A little over half a century," I replied.

"Damn. Unless he's immortal I think I see where this is going."

"Spill the details."

"Okay. We first met when I was fifteen-"

"Aww, young love!"

I smiled reminiscently. "Not quite. I got adopted by a branch of SHIELD, back in its early development days, called DAGGER shortly after we met. We started seeing more of each other."

"And you fell in love. Aw, that's adorable," Tony gushed.

"Actually I don't think that happened until I was eighteen."

"... Wow. Took you guys long enough."

"What happened to him?" Steve asked.

"He died."

"... I'm sorry."

"Like I said, it was a lifetime ago. Now let's hear about _you _Nat."

"Oh no, I don't think so," Nat scowled.

"Oh yes, I think so."

"Just answer, yes or no," Tony suggested. "Have you ever been in love agent Romanov?"

Nat bit her lip and after a moment answered, "Maybe."

There was a collective "Ooo."

"That means it's current!" I shouted triumphantly.

Natalia instantly regretted saying anything. "No it doesn't!"

"Getting defensive – I expected better from a master spy."

Natalia's blush betrayed her. It seemed behind her frosty exterior she was just as bad with emotions as Barton.

The chorus of lunatics singing in the Avengers meeting room (which looked like every other conference room on the damn ship by the way) was deafening.

Tony Stark was leading early morning choir practice.

"WHEN CAPTAIN AMERICA THROWS HIS MIGHTY SHIELD, ALL THOSE WHO CHOOSE TO OPPOSE HIS SHEILD MUST YIELD!"

"Unless you're a plane,"

"Or a bomb," was Dr. Banners meagre input (although he didn't seem to be protesting).

"Or some ice!" I sang.

"Then he'll choose to take a nap," Thor cheerily provided his contribution – although he really didn't understand the purpose of the exercise. He was always a tad slow on the uptake.

"Because the ice seems nice!" Tony finished off.

"WHEN CAPTAIN AMERICA THROWS HIS MIGHTY SHEIIIILD!"

I had spent the last two days living with the Avengers and I had already fallen in love with every one of them, even Thor. It was hard not to.

Nat sat in the corner looking unamused and the Captain himself was leaning against the door looking right pissed.

"Very funny guys," he said.

"I thought so." Tony flashed him a winning smile.

"Yeah! Let's do the Iron Man one now!" I shouted.

"Yeah – wait, what?" Tony could feel his good mood jump out the window.

I picked up my guitar and started playing, horribly out of tune, the Black Sabbath riff. "I AM THE ICE CREAM MAN, RUNNING OVER FAT KIDS WITH MY VAN!"

Steve laughed, if only because he was new to the twenty-first century and the parody hadn't become inane to him yet. Nat gave me the "you're so immature" look. Tony was very unhappy. Thor just looked confused. Banner was smirking (just a tiny bit).

Tony crossed his arms. "Not funny."

"Would you prefer I perform the theme song to the cartoon? I bet no one here's heard that before," I threatened. "Tony Stark makes you-"

"No!" Tony cut in. "No one needs to hear that!"

"I might," Steve offered.

"What you do or do not 'might' is of no consequence. I would like to know where this guitar and pocket amp came from." Changing the subject; _real _subtle Stark.

I raised my arms dramatically upwards, threw my head back and cried, "Under the floorboards!"

"She hid the guitar under a floor panel while the ship was being built," Nat explained, emotionlessly.

"No, I like the Tell-Tale Heart version better."

"Can you even play guitar?" Natalia asked.

"Not in the slightest," I replied. "Anyway, as for the amp," I turned to Tony, "I stole that from you."

Who promptly proceeded to chase me around the table.

"How dare you! No one steals from Tony Fucking Stark!"

"Except for me apparently, and is that your legal middle name or are you just saying that?"

"Why, when I get my hands on you…"

"What _are_ you going to do if you catch me?"

"_Nothing_…"

"Then why are you chasing me?"

"To prove I win!"

Suddenly I found myself being held sack-of-potatoes style by a big blonde thunder god.

"I have captured Lady Shade, what is the prize for winning?"

"I don't like this game anymore," I said, trying to keep a cool head.

I could hear voices continuing to argue but my brain stopped registering any of it. The shadows were rising in thick tendrils of blackness around Thor's feet, reaching up for me. I could feel myself slipping in and out of the physical. I was losing it again.

"Put me down," managed to seep through gritted teeth.

Everyone suddenly became unsettlingly aware that I was more or less phasing sporadically in and out of being nothing but a black silhouette.

Thor, as usual was too confused to do anything.

"Hey big guy, put the lady down," Steve finally told him softly.

Thor lowered me back down to the ground where the shadows eagerly greeted me and coiled around my legs. I leaned back against the table, hugging myself tightly. I was already perfectly fine, but I'd learned long ago that people don't trust me when I instantly get over this stuff. So I settled down and tried to focus on bringing myself back into a physical form; that was the real problem.

"Umm… you okay Shady?" Tony asked tentatively.

"Heh, yeah," I attempted to make light of the situation – an effort likely rendered moot by the fact I was still flickering slightly in and out of existence. "Physical contact and I don't get along too well. Quite frankly, I feel uncomfortable punching a bad guy in the face."

"I think you may be in the wrong line of work."

I rolled my eyes and scoffed, "Yeah like I'm goanna get a job anywhere else."

"Still, seems like some heavy baggage," Steve offered.

"Everyone in this business has baggage. Mine's not so bad."

"Compared to what?"

"Well, you, for one."

"Excuse me?" Tony was back to his old arrogant self.

I instantly regretted saying anything. Me and my big mouth. Oh boy, how to deal with this one. Let's turn to the wheel of diplomacy! Make a joke? Tactfully change the subject? Do a dance? Give them my honest opinion? I like honesty. Honesty's usually good.

"Okay; I'm going to play a game." I pointed to each in turn, "Genius billionaire playboy philanthropist. Legendary super-soldier and gentleman. Kind and honest prince of Asgard. Absolutely brilliant scientist and all around nice guy. The most intelligent and bad-ass woman I know." Then to myself, "The fun one."

That got a few smirks and eye rolls, as well as a blush or two from my descriptions.

"Or," I started again, "Narcissistic, selfish, cowardly ass-hole. Test-tube experiment from the time when spam was lunchmeat. Naive, spoiled brat bred in ignorance and superiority. Socially awkward nerd with breathtaking anger-management issues. Manipulative bitch and SHEILD's lap dog." Myself again, "Psychotic idiot who could never hold her friend's hand because she'd have a nervous breakdown and literally disappear."

The whole room stared at me, empty-eyed.

Did I mention I don't like honesty? Honesty's terrible. Who's idea was this?

"And that, would be… our baggage," I finished weakly.

"Well gee, what's SHEILD need us for." That lovely biting remark courtesy of Bruce Banner, who made it no secret from the beginning that he did not want to be there in the first place.

I was getting fed up with this. "Because Fury doesn't give a fuck about baggage. He doesn't believe the baggage defines us." The 'And neither do I' was never said, but everyone heard it and it hung in the space between us. "The other stuff matters more."

And abruptly everyone realised why I hadn't started off with the insulting. I have my moments.

Did I say honesty's terrible? That's a lie. Honesty works sometimes. Not often, but sometimes.

Well damn. I'm spewing wisdom like the Trevi Fountain. I should write a book.

"Anyway, did you get a look at Scarlett Johansson's new hair? Ugh, red is _so _not her color."

"Stark, you are the gayest straight man I know." I informed the playboy.

"I don't know, I kind of liked the look on her."

"I take it back; you're tied with Steve now."

"I'd have to disagree, Steve, I think she'd look better as a brunette."

"Oh my god, what the fuck Bruce."

They ignored me, as per usual.

"I think she is a fine example of a Midguardian female!"

"Thor, I think you're missing the purpose of this exercise," Tony stated.

"I still think she's trying to steal my look," Natalia added.

"I've gone crazy. No, I've died. This is hell. This is what hell looks like."

"Which leads into the real question; who's hotter, Johansson or Romanov? I nominate Romanov."

I quickly raised my hand, "Ooh! Second!"

"Stark, Shade, you are both dead to me."

"I will vote for the lady Johansson!"

"Thor, you are twice as dead."

"This is one of those things where you lose no matter what, isn't it?" Bruce asked.

"Yes, I think it is," Steve answered, actually right about something to do with women for once.

"For one thing, agent Romanoff has much nicer brea- Ow!" Tony's inappropriate comment was cut short by a firm smack to the back of his head from Nat. "Was that really necessary?"

"You know it was."

And I realised that even though I'd only known them for this long, I'd do anything for them. I was one of them. We were a team – a family even – us Avengers.

**Sappy Ending :P**


	6. Speak Of the Devil

**Disclaimer: Disney owns The Avengers movie rights, actually.**

**Chapter 6: Speak Of the Devil and He Shall Screw Up YourLife Some More**

I walked briskly from my room on the hovercarrier in the direction of the nearest coffee machine.

Twenty-three hours in counting and still no sign of LOLki and his minions, to our shame and incompetence. Seriously; the world's largest – supposedly most advanced – intelligence agency on Earth and we couldn't find one evil villain cave. How sad is that?

I was about to start working from my smartphone but, realising I'd forgotten it, swore excessively and unnecessarily then turned around. After a quick once over of the room and not finding the stupid thing, I thought to try the washroom counter. There the little bugger was. Sitting there all smug on the counter, mocking me. Damn phone. I was whistling the Doctor Who theme, which was abruptly brought to an end when I saw the reflection in the mirror.

There was a Loki standing right behind me. I spun around out of reflex, even though the lack of Tesseract energy induced pain told me he wasn't really there. I expected at least an illusion but instead got nothing for my trouble. I spun back around, punching the very smug demi-god double in the face. My hand ghosted right through the hoax.

"I swear to god, next time I am punching the real you _right_ in the face."

"I'd love to see you try," he smirked in reply, but it was said cold. He was in villain mode.

"What do you want? You here to spy? Sabotage? Piss the living shit out of everyone? Or just be really, really creepy. You're doing pretty well so far on the last two." Because appearing in my bathroom mirror is kind of really, really creepy.

"Just here to visit an old friend."

"I knew it!" I quickly clamped a hand overly mouth. I glared at him through loose strands of hair. "Clint's been telling you about Natalia's interrogation techniques hasn't he." Normally I wouldn't fall for Nat's tricks, but I didn't expect them to come from _him._

Then he was the Loki I'd almost consider semi-sane. He smiled, no doubt feeling rather triumphant. "Yes, but that's beside the point."

"Are you sure it's not above or just below the point?"

He looked a little stunned for just a moment, as if I'd just said something obscenely shocking. Then he grinned, of all things. An honest grin. The sparkle in his eye… it was like a little boy who'd fallen in love for the first time. Or like a kid that just got exactly the action figure he wanted for his birthday Which, in my experience, is pretty much the same thing.

"Uh, can you please stop looking at me like I'm a delicious slice of cake? It's kind of creeping me out."

"Only if you agree to an adventure."

"A what? I will agree to nothing until my attorney, Matt Murdoch, gets here."

"Oh really?" he raised his eyebrows. "You think a lawyer can save you?"

"No. I think a _blind_ lawyer can save me."

He started advancing, threateningly.

"I'm warning you, I'm friends with Deadpool!" I cautioned, backing away.

My back hit wall and his face came an inch from mine. My breath caught in my throat.

"So is that a yes or no to the adventure?" he asked, grinning.

"No," I said, instinctively trying to push him back even though I knew he was only an illusion. He backed up anyway. He pouted, and I had to stifle a laugh. The way he was acting was so unlike what little I knew of him, but somehow it felt natural. "I don't adventure with other people," I told him, and that was the truth. I always adventured on my own. Always.

He frowned, like I was supposed to have said something different just then. I didn't understand.

"You really don't remember," he said as if he hadn't believed it until that point.

I looked down, not wanting to make eye contact. I gave him a second to let it all sink in.

"Were we really old friends?" I finally asked. I tried to keep the desperation out of my voice but it didn't do me much good.

I was met only with silence and finally looked back up to find that the Loki double was gone.

"... So that's what that feels like."

I walked back over to the smartphone still sitting on the bathroom counter.

"You get all that Coulson?"

"All of it Shade. Come down to the control room, we have things to discuss."

The Avengers sat silently around the conference table as the audio clip of the recent conversation played. Coulson stood at the front of the room exerting some semblance of authority, mainly lost in the absence of Director Fury who was otherwise indisposed (in other words, having another "spirited debate" with the Council).

The clip ended and there was an extended period of silence.

Thor looked like he might actually cry. "The manner in which he speaks is too alike to that of our youth when ruling seemed a distant fantasy."

"It would seem," Tony said finally, "that Loki's taken a liking to our fair Shady."

"I disagree," Natalia interjected. "His tone and overall manner of speaking indicates a pre-existing attachment which would mean a long term relationship having existed."

"Or talk about me like I'm not here, that's cool too." I folded my arms.

"Thor buddy, any way Loki could have met a Midguardian without raising alarms?" Tony asked, ignoring me.

"Loki is able to use his magic to slip through realms unnoticed by Heimdal..." Thor sounded more than a little unconvinced and obviously had something else in mind.

"Okay, so let's try and pinpoint the possible contact timeframes. Come along Brucie there's work to be done. Agent, I'm going to need copies of Jane Foster's research and all the data from the Thor's party with the Einstein-Rosen bridges last year and if you don't give it to me I will do something very illegal to get it."

"Duly noted. However the manner in which agent Shade and Loki came to know one another is inconsequential."

"I see. So I'm bait now." I crossed my arms.

"What?" Steve exclaimed, putting in his own two cents for the first time since the audio clip ended.

"Loki has an obvious attachment to you; it's a logical course of action." Coulson insisted.

"Called it."

"We are not purposefully endangering Ms. Shade's life," Steve asserted.

"Is that your way of volunteering for damsel in distress Twinkle Toes?" Tony asked Steve mockingly. "Bruce, I thought I told you to come play detective with me."

Bruce sighed as he stood from the table and followed Tony back to the lab.

"So what's the plan?" I asked, "Perseus needs a reason to rescue the fair Andromeda from peril, not to mention a way of knowing of the aforementioned peril."

"I understood that reference."

"Of course you did, it's thousands of years old. Anyway, the point is we don't know where Loki is, what he's doing or what he's planning. We're shooting in the dark here," I concluded.

Suddenly Coulson's phone rang. After a long moment of silence while Coulson listened he gave me a meaningful look.

"What?" I asked.

"We found him."

I slammed my fist down on the table. "I'm magic!"

**References in order of appearance (because after all the references in that last chapter I think this might be called for...): Doctor Who, super-duper-uber internet points for anyone who can guess what other Marvel superhero I snuck in there (HINT: he's my third favorite super hero of all time), Deadpool, The Dark Knight Rises (lord please forgive me for that movie was shit), Greek mythology (I will not apologize for this one, no matter how many people didn't get it)**


	7. Cues Happen

**For those who guessed: my third favorite superhero is Daredevil aka Matt Murdock the blind lawyer. He's one of the first and few superheroes with a physical disability and he's a bit of a nut. Spiderman once accidentally revealed Matt's secret identity to the lawyer's co-workers Foggy Nelson and Karen Page. Mat got himself out of the jam by convincing them he had a twin brother named Mike and Mike was Daredevil. It was kind of hilarious.**

**Disclaimer: all generic disclaimers apply.**

**Chapter Seven: All Dressed Up and One or Seven Places to Go**

Now this was a situation I never would have expected - I seem to be saying that a lot lately. I was all dressed up in a sparkly purple dress with great big dangly earrings and my hair did up all fancy instead of the normal messy bun. I was at an absurdly fancy party with champagne, a string quartet; the works. And it was in Germany.

The party had only barely started. I was on my own and I couldn't expect backup for a little while seeing as I had decided it would be faster for me to take a fighter jet from the hovercarrier, fly across the North Atlantic at top speed, and crash it into the German countryside seconds after pulling the ejection. I never really was good with landings. The point was I was in Germany, and I'd gotten there before the rest of the team. Not my best plan but hey, I got the job done.

I did a quick sweep of the perimeter and the party itself via shadows, of which there was no short supply. There were no bugs, wiretaps, hidden cameras, or even undercover goons. There _was _however a Loki in here somewhere – I could feel the energy of the Tesseract leaking out of that nasty scepter of his. So the party was obviously not the best place to be at the moment. Obvious distraction. There was nothing of value at the party for Loki, which meant Ron Stoppable was baiting Draken while Kim Possible was off doing something vitally important to the master plan, and wow I need to stop making these references.

I decided the best place to start looking was up-stairs, seeing as there was eff-all downstairs.

I started for the stairs when a stranger's hand slipped into mine. I froze. It took everything I had to stop from shaking out of my shoes from the cold touch against my palm. The violator gently turned me around to face them. To my genuine surprise, it was the very man I was looking for.

I jerked my hand away and realized I had been holding my breath as a ragged intake of air involuntarily passed my lips. It was all I could do to stop myself from turning into nothing right there. The best I could do was restrict it to a slight flickering most wouldn't notice.

Of course he would notice. In fact, it seemed to spark some sort of recognition in him. I guess I lost control around him at some point when I knew him from whenever and wherever I couldn't remember. No wonder I seem to have left an impression — it's freaky. He seemed to observe me pensively, then smirked that annoying Loki smirk.

He looked at my attire appraisingly. "For me? You shouldn't have." Asshole. As soon as I had gotten over my initial shock and horror from the comment, I crossed my arms in what I could only assume was very unladylike fashion. He only chuckled. He raised a hand and I was afraid for a moment he was going to touch my face, but instead he took one of my big silver dangly earrings in his hand and said, "Earrings don't suit you." His tone and expression was… kind? His eyes looked a little sad.

I'm sure I just looked confused.

He wanted to ask me something, I could see it.

"Shady? Is that you?" The sound of a woman's thick German accent broke our eye contact. One of the violinists had broken away from the quartet, to the obvious distress of the other players.

"Mila?" I asked, shocked. "God, it's been too long!" I grinned at the beautiful woman.

Mila was charming and graceful and delicate in every way I wasn't. She was subtly curvy instead of skinny and flat. Her features were soft and lovely instead of crude and boyish. Her mocha hair was thick and shiny and soft instead of messy and abnormal. She effortlessly pulled off the long sleeveless black dress instead of pretending to suit a deep purple. Her deep blue eyes sparkled instead of devouring light like a pair of black holes… She didn't have any problems with holding someone's hand.

If I could choose to switch places with anyone in the world it would be Mila, no questions asked. The most baggage Mila had was that she couldn't seem to find a steady boyfriend. She was normal.

"What are you doing in a string quartet?" I asked, switching effortlessly to German.

"The band kicked me out after you left. They only put up with me because you liked me," she explained.

I laughed, "That's funny; I only put up with them because I liked you. We could have saved a lot of wasted time and effort if that had been clear eight months ago."

"It's not too late. We should have coffee and play again sometime."

"I'd love to, but maybe not. There's some things in my life that need some sorting out."

Mila pouted, "That's what you said before you left last time."

I laughed trying to keep the weariness I felt out of my carefree tone. "Yeah, and the exact same things _still_ need sorting out, and then some."

Mila suddenly seemed to become aware of the intergalactic super villain listening in on our conversation. "Who's your friend?" she asked, a playful smirk appearing across her features.

I looked back to Loki, if only just to make sure he actually was still there. The Tesseract energy seeping from his 'cane' told me he was, and it was the real him, but I needed to confirm it with my eyes for my mind to really accept it.

"You don't even remember your real name do you?" he asked, out of nowhere.

"What? Why would you even…?"

Of course; Mila had called me Shady. I told myself it was because I didn't trust anyone, but the more I thought, the more I came to realize… I didn't remember.

I brought my hand to my head, palm resting on my forehead, fingers tangling in hair. "I… Fuck. Just when I thought my mind couldn't be any more messed up. Fury's gonna have a field day with this."

Then Loki quietly muttered something.

I remembered everything; who he was, who I was, where I'd been, the people I didn't know anymore, the things I'd said and done that seemed to matter more than anything. Then something subconscious screamed in protest and it was all gone once more in an instant.

My senses slowly came back to me. "Shady? Shady are you alright?" Mila was distressed.

I raised a hand to my cheek and found it wet. I was crying.

"I had it. I had it all back," I whispered weakly. "And it all went away again."

I fell. My legs had buckled under me. I comprehended a few moments after the fact that someone very tall with a very nice scarf had caught me and was holding me uncomfortably tightly.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, and I'd never wanted to understand something so badly in my life as at that moment.

For a long moment measured only in heart beats and the slow rise and fall of his chest as he breathed I just stayed. I slowly let the fabric my face was pressed against dry the tears, though I felt like crying forever for reasons I couldn't explain if you'd asked.

I quickly pulled myself together. I would not cry there and then dammit. When this was all over and done with I could run out into the middle of nowhere and ball my eyes out alone in the dark for all I cared but this was not happening now.

"Some party." I joked weakly. I had a million better things to say or ask but didn't.

The tight grip released, and I steadied myself to stand on my own. It was much more difficult than it should have been.

"I'm fine Mila, go back to the quartet, they look like they need you."

"But…"

I gave her my personal patented "the look". It was enough.

There were so many questions I wanted to ask — mainly just _why_ — but couldn't force myself to voice.

"So. Having fun?" I asked, changing the subject and (hopefully) throwing him off.

To my surprise, he gave me "the look". Well damn.

I raised a single incredulous eyebrow, folding my arms.

His stare didn't waver.

I sighed, closing my eyes. I hadn't realized how tired I was until then. "I need to sit down, this is too much for a Sunday." I sighed again. "So, what's on the evil agenda today?" Again, changing the subject; this time with a measurably greater degree of success.

"The archer has informed me he requires a man's eye to bypass the security of the holding facility containing a material I need."

Both my eyebrows shot right up. Revealing the plan? Great. That could only mean there was no way I'd be able to interfere regardless of anything I did at this point.

"So you need… an eyeball. And to kill two birds with one stone, you're going to take it in full view of this nice German party so Barton can get what you need and go while everyone loses their minds and makes a scene over here. So only one question remains; how will you get the eyeball to Clint?"

He hesitated.

"I won't get mad for you killing a couple civies if that's what you're worried about. I used to kill people for a living — pot calling the kettle black and all that. I'm not going to stop you." It was a less-than convincing bluff (Fury would shoot me dead for it), but he took the bait anyway.

After another moment of hesitation, he produced a small device. "With this."

"Oh good. There's _no way_ that little thing's gonna kill anyone, and that should keep Fury from lecturing me about my moral responsibilities, or lack thereof."

Loki smirked. "I'd expect more selflessness of a righteous agent of SHEILD."

"Ex-agent," I corrected, "And don't you know, _Tony's_ the big humanitarian."

He smiled a little more easily.

"But in all honesty, I've never really been that strong an advocate for humanity. There are more than seven billion people on this planet as of last year, and I don't give a flying fuck about any of them. There are only seven people on this whole planet I'd _maybe _be willing to die for. The thing is; six of them are the Avengers. And that's where we reach an impasse because for some odd reason they fucking love this world and they'd die for any given billionth of it any day of the week. Makes them an enormous handful, don't even get me started."

"Who's the seventh?" he asked.

"What?"

"You said there were seven people you'd die for."

"Oh, I did didn't I?" I smiled innocently. It was a front – I actually didn't know why I'd said seven. My brain play tricks on me more often than it should.

"Yes, you did. Who's the seventh?"

"You have to _guess._"

I grinned, teasing. And it wasn't even the "hey, let's screw with the bad guy!" teasing. It was… like old friends teasing I suppose.

"Is it that Mila woman?"

I shook my head, "No…" As much as I liked Mila, she could walk of the edge of the Earth and I would never know the difference. I could live without her; in fact I had been.

He frowned. "Is it someone I've met?"

"Yes…" I should at least pretend to try to play fair.

"The agent, Coulson?"

"You've _got_ to try harder than that."

"Is it the hawk?"

"You know he counts as an Avenger, stupid."

The frown deepened.

"What, can't count?" I taunted.

"It's not Fury is it?"

I broke down right then and there. The whole room was staring at me but I didn't care. I just had to laugh, long and loud.

"I'll take that as a no."

And the laughs kept coming. He smiled, amused. Apparently my humor is infectious.

"Hey, Loki," I gasped between fits of laughter, "Don't you have an evil plan to carry out?"

"It's done."

"Wha-"

I looked over just in time to see a Loki double slam a walking stick into some dude's face, toss a balding German man onto some crappy art-deco centerpiece, then plunge a device into his face. Actually that art-deco thing was probably some priceless artifact, but whatever.

"Why you sneaky rat bastard." I exclaimed, despite the atrociousness of the scene, impressed. "But you do realize I'm going to have to kick your ass for that right?"

There was no reply, and when I turned he was gone along with everyone else.

"Oh, I fucking hate magic," I groaned, then ran outside.

Loki was pretentiously monologuing some pretentious bullshit at a poor defenseless crowd of innocent people. Jeez, again with inferiority complex.

"You realize you're ranting in _English_ to a bunch of _Germans_ right?" I called.

"Midgard has more than one language?"

This would be a lovely time for the world to collectively face-palm.

"Were you paying _any _attention to _any_thing _any_one said in there?"

And cue adorable little old man who is actually probably the only one there who speaks English to tell off his oppressor. "Way to go old dude!" I further expressed my sentiment with a few short claps for him.

Loki was a little less impressed.

"Loki, don't you dare kill that little old man!" I realized too late I wasn't going to make it in time; the poor guy was going to die

And cue Captain-ball.

"You know, that last time I was in Germany and saw a man standing above everybody else, we ended up disagreeing."

"Ha! It's funny because he's talking about Hitler." Don't get distracted by your own wit, Shady, this is serious.

And cue terrified scattering civilians. Goodness gracious, why does this always happen?

"Steve! Loki's a distraction, find Hawkeye!"

Steve nodded and ran off, no doubt getting directions from Natalia in the quinjet overhead.

"Do you find joy in disrupting my plans?" Loki demanded.

I smiled. "Just a little bit. Nice helmet, by the way."

He smirked, as if I had told some inside joke, and then shot a nasty blast of Tesseract my way. I dodged it easily and leapt at him with a flying kick you only see in movies, which he blocked easily with his staff. I flipped back to keep the advantage of maneuverability. He swung the staff; I ducked and swept low, aiming to kick him off his feet. He fell hard to the side and I pressed my advantage, trying to pry the staff from his grip. He wouldn't have it and used the staff to throw me head over heels across the street. I did my best to use the momentum and rolled unsteadily to my feet. Only to be met with another blast of Tesseract energy.

It hit me full on, no time to brace myself. The energy crackled around me, setting every nerve on fire. The pain was so intense, so concentrated – I involuntarily let out a short bloodcurdling cry. I hit the concrete hard and rolled violently across the ground several feet.

The approaching sound of boots on rubble drew my attention and drove me to try to get up. I could barely push myself four inches off the ground. All I could manage was to roll onto my side to look my attacker in the eyes.

Instead of triumph or malice, his gaze showed concern, even a hint of fear. Instead of finishing me off, he knelt down and placed a hand on my cheek. Another gesture from Loki I couldn't understand. One second he was trying to kill me and everything I even slightly cared about, and the next he was unsettlingly worried for my well being. His mind games were getting to me.

Cue AC/DC's "Shoot to Thrill"? Unexpected but hey, what are you gonna do; it's Tony Stark.

Tony slammed into the demi-god and sent him flying, at the same time kicking the repulsers in reverse so he could stay put and check on me. "You okay Shady?" he asked, popping the mask.

"Ugh, never better," I groaned, picking myself up with only partial success. "You have a really odd sense of timing. Where were you ten minutes ago?"

"Bedding a supermodel. Next question."

"You whore."

"Excuse me?"

"Tony. Stop. You're a whore. Embrace it."

Stark's inevitable brilliant comeback was cut short by a blast of blue fire from a very pissed off Loki that sent the Iron Man flying.

"Oh for the love of — _really_? Is this how you solve all your problems? Just shoot them with a magic alien staff? Okay, so that's totally how I'd solve my problems if I had a magic alien staff, _but that doesn't make it right_!" He shot another blast, this time in my direction. It missed, but only barely and I had to lean out of the way to avoid getting clipped. The crackling energy made my hair stand on end. "Well, fuck you too!"

And cue Thunder God.

"Loki!" Thor bellowed, flying in and slamming into the ground in truly godlike fashion. The impact of his landing was enough to make a crater in the sidewalk but Thor didn't seem to notice. He strode over to his brother, picked him up by the front of his shirt and shouted, "Where is the Tesseract?"

Loki chuckled, sounding slightly winded. "Oh, I missed you too"

"Sibling love," I said, spreading my arms out over the heartwarming scene.

"Yeah, it's a beautiful thing," Tony agreed half-heartedly, stumbling over to join us.

"Do I look to be in a gaming mood?" Thor continued shouting.

"Whoa, bros. How about we all calm down before I have to start giving time-outs."

They ignored me.

"You should thank me brother. With the Bifröst destroyed how much dark energy did the all father have to muster to send you here? Your precious Earth."

Something in that sentence seemed off to me, but I couldn't put my finger on it. So I ignored it and covered it up with witty banter.

"Really? I'm used to you guys ignoring me but from you, Loki I expected better."

"Better from Loki? Shady, I'm hurt," Tony exclaimed melodramatically.

"He treats me like a lady," I insisted, tossing my hair back with a flick of the back of my hand.

"Only you would jest at a time like this," Loki informed me, finally taking his attention off the big blond dummy still holding him off the ground.

"Lady Shade this does not concern you," Thor warned.

"Then maybe you should discuss it when I'm not around," I retorted, walking over to the Asgardians. "Thor, put him down." I gently placed a hand on the man's arm.

I could see him have to consciously force his fingers to slowly uncurl from the black fabric of Loki's tunic.

"I thought you dead," Thor said in a voice so quiet I almost missed it.

"Did you mourn?" Loki asked almost mockingly.

"We all did! Our father-"

"Your father. He did tell you my true parentage did he not?"

"Okay, remember what I said earlier about private conversations in public places?" I got between them. Probably not the smartest move but someone had to do it. I turned to Thor, "C'mon we gotta get Rudolph back to base. You can hug it out later. Yo Tony! You're too quiet, what the Hell are you doing over there?"

"What? Oh, sorry I was playing Tetris."

The clever insult I threw at him was lost under the noise of the quinjet landing.

The hatch lowered and a defeated looking Nat and Steve came out.

"... I take it you didn't get him."

Steve shook his head. Nat looked like hell.

"Well this just gets better and better. So where're we taking Mr. Happyface?"

"Yeah, about that squirt," Tony said. "You've been marked off as renegade."

Steve put it more bluntly. "We have orders to bring you in as well Ms. Shade."

**I'm making this sound way more dramatic than it actually is.**

**Remember: criticism is always welcome.**


	8. Team

**Internet's been glitchy. I am upset.**

**Disclaimer: The Avengers belongs to my wife. Because I have a wife. ****Fact.**

**Chapter Eight: We're a Team - And Team Means Tolerating Psychosis**

"… This is because I stole that jet and crashed it into a hill isn't it?"

"You crashed it?" Nat asked, almost amused but feigning disapproval.

I caught a hint of a smirk from Loki for a millisecond.

"That's our girl!" Tony laughed, tussling my hair.

"Oy! Iron Man fist plus head makes an unhappy me! Can someone not me _please _grab Loki's staff, or spear, or whatever we're deciding to call it? I am eighty-nine percent sure that if I touch it again I will burn and die."

"I'd be happy to oblige," Loki offered.

"You... Is he always like this?"

"Verily," Thor replied.

"Just... just get the evil thing and let's go," I said, palm against my forehead in mild exasperation.

Nat was on it.

I marched over to the quinjet. "Okay let's get this over with. I hope the Council doesn't expect me to pay the property damages because I _do not_ have that kind of money."

"Psh. Poor people problems."

"Way to own that one percent Stark," I jibed.

"Please. All the percents are mine, and if they're not I can still afford to buy them," Tony retorted.

I got strapped into one of the seats of the quinjet directly across from Loki, mostly because (I suspected) Tony was hoping I'd start kicking him.

Tony, Steve and Thor chose to stand even though there were six other seats.

After Thor was done yelling at Loki and Loki confirmed that he wasn't going to reveal anything meaningful, the Avengers huddled up to discuss, well, us.

Steve seemed to think I might be under Loki's mind control powers. Tony said that was dumb and I had to agree. Nat confirmed that the fact I was tied down with Loki likely had little to no value. Thor made some dumb comment.

"I know you guys are speaking in 'hushed tones' or whatever, but we're still only three feet away you know." Everyone looked at me. "We can still totally hear everything you're saying, and I for one am very much offended by your lack of faith in me Steve."

An uncomfortable silence set in, even though I'd meant it as a joke.

Loki refused to look at anyone.

I made a face and craned my neck forward through my restraints.

"Hey mister grumpy gills. Life's full of little spills. Don't throw your fins up in disgust!"

Nothing. Not a Finding Nemo fan — alright.

"Mister."

Still nothing.

"Hey mister."

Tony smothered a giggle.

I added a horrendous British accent. "Oy, mistah."

Steve cracked a smile.

"Heeeey mister."

"I do not-"

Tony cut Thor off with an urgent "Shhhh!" and a smile.

There was an awkwardly long silence. I continued staring bug-eyed at Loki.

"Hey mister."

"What?" Loki snapped, finally looking at me.

"Made you look."

I don't think I'd ever seen a legitimate eye twitch before.

I grinned. "Hey guys, do you think if I annoy him long enough he'll give up the Tesseract?"

"I think if you annoy him long enough he'll try to kill you," Nat offered.

"She has a point," Steve agreed.

"If you annoy me enough I'll steal your heart," Loki said. He didn't mean it in a Shakespeare-In-Love way. He meant it in an I'm-going-to-fucking-take-control-of-your-mind-and -make-you-kill-a-whole-lot-of-people-then-possibly -actually-rip-out-your-heart-and-roast-it over-a-slow-fire-and-eat-it way.

I laughed it off the way I always do. "You can try, but you're probably better off without it. Not exactly quality product there."

Suddenly all eyes were on me.

"Lady Shade?" Thor looked confused.

"Do you mind explaining?" Steve asked, firmly, but at the same time gently.

Tony was less gentle, giving me the, "tell all now or I'll fuck you up later" look.

I raised an eyebrow at the group. We'd know each other for a matter of days and they could see right through me. They knew exactly which jokes were a little more than just a laugh. I was becoming too predictable. Perhaps being out of the action had taken more of a toll on my skills of deception than I'd thought.

"My heart stopped beating thirty years ago. I'm a dead woman walking." I stated matter-of-factly.

"How?" Loki whispered so quietly no one hear him but me.

"I've got my own little cluster of crystalline shrapnel shards. Kind of like you Stark, only I didn't have an arc reactor to stop them. Material's unknown; alien in nature. I lived with them for eleven full years while they slowly killed me."

"You're one lucky bitch to have lasted that long," Tony mumbled. "That should be impossible."

"Why wasn't it taken care of right away by SHIELD medical?" Nat demanded.

"I wasn't exactly _with _SHIELD at the time, and the rather more sizable shards I was impaled with pretty much everywhere else were deemed decidedly more urgent. They weren't, but that's what happened. Obviously I didn't die. Technically. The shards are still in there as far as I know. They seem to have settled in my heart. I still have blood, obviously – I bleed — and I've got something like a pulse but I have no idea what it is because it sure as hell isn't blood pumping. I have to breathe, but only occasionally, and drink lots of water. Food is optional. Really I don't qualify as human anymore - I barely qualify as being a living being. Technically though; I am still alive, for now."

Everyone was suddenly very depressed, even Thor.

"Hey, why is everyone so sad I'm alive? Am I really that horrible to be around?"

"It's just…" Steve trailed off.

"You guys wanted to know. Now you know. What difference does it make?"

Loki reached out a hand towards me, and everyone freaked out. Thor raised his hammer, Iron Man charged his repulsers, Cap prepared to throw his shield at the drop of a hat. To everyone's surprise, I just took the outstretched hand in my own.

"What?" I asked, seeing looks of mixed horror and shock. "Doesn't he look like he just needs a hug?"

The irony of the situation was not lost on me. I found their horror hilarious. Loki's concern was a little surprising, though.

Nat half turned in her seat. "Need I remind you, he killed eighty people in three days?"

"Hello pot, my name is kettle; you're black."

"Don't start with me Shade. This guy's pure evil."

"Oh I see; you're upset because he was so close to beating your record."

"Don't start this with me, Shade," she repeated.

"Hey; you, me and Clint did the same damn thing every other week back in the day — and much worse long before that."

"That was different," Nat insisted.

"Killing is making a choice. We knew damn well what we were doing. Saying we were working for '_the good guys'_ or that it was all we knew doesn't make it any different Natalia. You and I know better than that."

Another uncomfortable silence set in. I noticed Loki's hand was still mine and I was kind of gripping it really tightly. I gently loosened my grip and slipped my hand out of his. He seemed a little unhappy to let it go.

And I realized I had been holding someone's hand. And I hadn't even noticed. What was not wrong with me?

I leaned back in my seat, trying to quell the chaotic thoughts bouncing around in my head and feigning exasperation to hide my distress, hoping no one had noticed, and continued. "I have this philosophy — alright? — that's based on the question; if the world were to disappear, who would notice?"

"Asgard would," Thor replied without hesitation.

"No, big guy; _you_ would. Your dad might give it a passing glance but in the end, you'll be the only one. Besides, you're practically as much Earth as Asgard now anyway. If the Earth disappeared; the rest of the universe would _be the same_."

Silence continued as everyone else tried to provide another viable answer.

"The rest of the universe will still exist if we win and it will still exist if we lose. We just won't be alive to keep looking at it pass us by if we lose. Asking how much that's worth is pointless. The only meaningful question is how much that's worth to you. Nothing has any more or less value that what people decide to give it. Morality works the same way. Nat; I'm not saying the things you, or I, or even Clint have done are wrong or right. Or that you haven't paid for them. I'm only saying that they only matter as much as you decide they do."

"Sometimes I know not whether you are very foolish or very wise Lady Shade," Thor said after a brief silence, no doubt thinking of his own — and his brother's — past and current misdeeds.

"I vote foolish," I declared, "But who is more foolish the fool or the fool who listens to her rant for half an hour?"

"I'd say the fool because _we_ didn't have much of a choice."

I rolled my eyes. "As always, I appreciate the vote of confidence Tony."

"Happy to help."

"She's got a point though, we should have gaged her," Steve laughed.

Tony's jaw dropped. "He… Did you just hear that? Captain tight-pants just made a joke!"

"I am a human being, Tony," Steve reminded him. The line was become more well-used by the hour.

"Hey, it's not my fault you smile about as much as Hannibal Lecter in a deserted vegan farmer's market."

"… What?"

"Tony! Stop confusing the poor man with only semi-pop-culture references," I chided.

"I declare that the next Avengers sleepover will be a Hannibal mega-marathon! Silence of the Lambs followed immediately by season one!" Tony exclaimed.

"Assuming we all survive," Nat pointed out rather morbidly.

Tony simply replied with a smug, "I assume."

"Well, in that case," I jumped at the suggestion, "Second!"

"Third," Nat agreed.

"And Bruce will say yes if Tony tells him to, so that's a fourth," I added.

"Motion carried. Next Friday shall be glorious," Tony grinned. "Next order of business; Chinese or Mexican food?"

"Chinese."

"Chinese."

"Tacos!"

"Overruled. Chinese."

"Proposal to add change-it-if-we-feel-like-it clause."

"Agreed."

"Motion carried."

Thor, Steve and Loki looked a little dumbfounded as Nat, Tony, and I volleyed words that sounded either foreign or out of context with some vaguely bureaucratic sounding jargon thrown in.

"That's how shit gets _done_ at an Avengers board meeting bitches!" I fist-pumped for good measure.

"Hell yeah!" Tony loudly agreed and gave me a high-five.

"I don't understand what just happened," Steve muttered.

"Nothing Steve," Tony grinned, "just planning your proper introduction to the modern world with a never-ending trauma festival."

"And Thor's proper re-introduction to Earth," I added.

"Yes, that too. This is how we will win over all alien races. Not with our heart-warming films of friendship and happily-ever-afters, but with horrors beyond imaging and cannibalism puns. We will all bond by collectively screaming 'please someone help Will! My god make it stop!" Tony ended with a maniacal laugh.

And soon everyone was smiling again.

"Quick, the mood's lightening — someone play Adele really, _really_ loudly!"

And that is the tale of how the Avengers and Loki were then treated to the worst a cappella duet cover of _Set Fire to the Rain _in recorded history; as performed by Tony Mother-Fucking Stark and Shade No Last Name Given.

**The End. **

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**Except not the end.**

**Another disclaimer: All views expressed by Shady are not necessarily my own. She's a bit more of a existentialist and modernist than I am, actually. **

**I have been getting some honest criticism lately and it makes me so happy! I'm always looking to improve and I don't always see where I'm lacking so I really appreciate it! Keep it up lovelies!**


	9. The Illusion Of Property Damage

**Sorry for the long wait mis amigos; I was busy moving cities because I am now in university (internal screaming).**

**Disclaimer: Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't own Avengers, and neither do you.**

**Chapter Nine: Property Damage Is An Illusion; That Which I'm Causing, Doubly So**

The Helecarrier had been officially compromised. It was unacceptable to bring Loki back to a cage we knew he could escape from. Even worse – it was blatantly obvious he had wanted to be captured. Barton was what we were really worried about.

So Fury decided we were moving to an undisclosed location, refused to use any existing SHIELD facilities, instead setting up shop in a forest in England (since we were in Germany already anyway and no one wanted the six-hour flight over the North Atlantic twice in one day), and in the ballsiest move I have ever seen from a SHIELD agent he outright refused to tell the counsel where we were going in case the transmissions were intercepted.

My respect for the guy in both his forethought and ballsiness was steadily increasing. I was a little surprised by his disregard for the Council; he'd been happy to do their dirty work for as long as I'd known him. I guess he'd become a little jaded while I was gone; I was guessing something had caused him to lose faith in the counsel if my ability to read people hadn't been too badly blunted while I was gone.

"Hey Bruce, we're back. Slayed the monster and all that. You're speechless I know, I've been known to have that effect on people. Listen, you like Hannibal right?"

If you have never had the pleasure of meeting him, you should know three things Tony Stark knows how to do, and do better than anyone else.

One is engineering - the man's Jesus with a monkey wrench. I'd be willing to bet my life on any day of the week he could build GLaDOS scale technology with nothing but a paperclip and string while drifting around in space. Okay so maybe that's an exaggeration, but my point's been made.

The second is get bitches. In this case I should hope his reputation precedes him and this should pretty well explain itself.

The third, and currently the most relevant, is run his mouth. To the point where you're reaching for a melon-baller to kill yourself with if you have to listen to him for another two seconds. So far Dr. Bruce Banner is the only known sentient being in existence immune to it. And if anyone got wind of that, biologists of all specialization across the globe would be using his DNA and neurological patterns to create a vaccine that protects against Tony-Stark-Won't-Shut-Up-Please-Just-Kill-Me-Now syndrome which has been declared by the United Nations as an international pandemic.

Whenever Tony started uselessly prattling on about nothing Bruce would just give him that almost-smile and just _listen _to the madman. Even Pepper couldn't handle that most days, and I'm sure she'd be willing to hire him when this was all over.

So when Tony Stark swaggered his way into the makeshift lab, me in tow, to say hi to our favorite doctor who got left behind on the mission we just came back from, Bruce just gave us that trademarked Banner almost-smile, reminded us he'd been in the slums of India for forever and therefore had not seen Hannibal, and got back to his work.

"Then it's settled. We're watching Hannibal at the Avengers sleepover," Tony announced, sitting on an empty fold-out table I assumed was meant to be covered with the contents of the cases and crates stacked about the tent. "Hope you like Chinese; the secret ingredient is people."

"I'm just glad you're not ordering Indian food; I've had enough of that to last me a life time," Bruce joked in reply, unpacking something that looked terribly expensive and putting it on the table next to Tony.

"Got any news on the evil cube of evil yet?" I asked, breaking up the bro moment.

"Unfortunately, no," Bruce said, getting straight to business. "Selvig's obviously just as smart as SHIELD said he is, and he's had way too much time. Also, I've had some distractions," he gestured to our admittedly pitiful-looking surroundings. "Selvig's found a way to hide the cube's energy signature, either through containment, or some kind of energy redirection – I don't know. And I probably couldn't figure out a way around it if I had ten years."

"To be honest, Bruce, I don't know that we have ten hours," I stated, grimly.

He sighed, "I know."

I ran a hand through the chunk of hair that had fallen from the hasty bun I'd captured the rest in, somewhat exasperated. "Well this sucks almost as much as my being detained by SHIELD for insubordination and unnecessary property damage."

Tony started to chuckle about that then immediately stopped himself. The reality of what I'd just said seemed to dawn on both scientists simultaneously.

"On a _completely _unrelated note, there are probably already security cameras in here aren't there?" I asked, casually.

_"_Shade you sneaky son of a bitch. I want you to know, you're going to be the godmother of Pepper's future babies. Bruce, you're godfather by the way. You can thank me later."

"Ooh I didn't know you'd finally popped Pep the question!" I exclaimed.

"I haven't yet, but that's not important. Our babies will be smart _and _beautiful."

I rolled my eyes, unsurprised. "I'm happy for you Tony, but back to the cameras; I better get outa here."

"Excuse me, Shade, remember who you're talking to. Do I ever _not_ have an EMP handy? I trust SHIELD about as far as I can throw it."

Bruce looked at Tony in horror.

Tony raised his hands defensively, "Calm down big guy, I made sure none of the equipment was operating first."

"Knew I could count on you Tony."

A loudspeaker crackled to life across the temporary facility and agent Colson's voice filled the craft. "Codename Shade; wherever you are, you are in big trouble."

Tony turned to me. "Hey Shady... wanna make a friendly wager?"

I slid around a tarp hallway corner, guitar slung over my shoulder, and about twenty really angry SHIELD agents behind me.

"Miss Shade, cease and desist immediately!" shouted random expendable agent number one.

"You can't make me!" I shouted back.

I turned around and started running backwards just to show off. I sent the shadows around the lights overhead and around the circuitry - then ripped it apart, sending sparks cascading over the tarp overhead the agents before plunging the section of hallway into darkness. I turned back around and raised my hands over my head in small triumph, laughing maniacally.

This may or may not have scared away some of the less experienced red shirts, but I wasn't looking anymore so I couldn't tell you.

Hey, if you're goanna do something crazy stupid – do it with style.

I sent the shadows forward (this time without the ridiculous arm flailing) and ripped the tarp walls to shreds, running off into the night.

I hid in a tree until they gave up searching.

"Abandon hope all who enter here!" I was shouting moments later as I was landing in Loki's underground prison room. Fury had pulled out all the stops getting this place. He'd had to call in more than one favor in British government to make this base happen, including borrowing an old bomb shelter.

"Is that from the book or the Disney World ride?" Natalia asked, leaning against the glass cage, Loki looking confused behind her. Apparently she'd gotten a head start on the interrogation without me.

"Both. I call it Dante's Pirates of the Inferno." That must be the most obscure quote I've ever used.

"What have you done this time?" she asked.

I was about to reply that I didn't know what she was talking about when the sound of opening doors behind me, Nat's rapidly ascending eyebrows, and Loki's rapidly deepening scowl, led me to assume there was an unpleasantness behind me. I turned around and sure enough, agent Coulson was there.

"I have had it up to here with you agent Shade-"

"Ex-agent Shade," I interrupted.

"I don't care," he replied tersely, "You fake your death, make me file the miles of paperwork for it, then you just come back and start blowing stuff up, stealing jets,"

"_A _jet,"

"Getting friendly with man-"

"God,"

"Who's trying to destroy the _world_, and now you're running around the base, injuring half the staff and causing thousands of dollars in damage and singing 'Rise Lazarus rise!' what is that, what even _is_ that?"

In reply I slammed a riff on the guitar and sang, "Rise Lazarus rise, rise from the grave, dispel-"

"Shut up. Just _shut up_!" he shouted, his ill-contained rage finally bursting forth, "I can't take it anymore! I don't care that Director Fury trusts you, you are a hazard and I _hate _you." He finished his rant and stood there breathing heavy.

"Yes!" I shouted, triumphantly jumping in the air with a fist-pump. "I win! I got him to crack! Tony – did you see that? You so owe me five hundred dollars."

An ill-contained giggle came from the loudspeaker. "Worth it."

My head snapped back around to a seething Coulson. "You seriously don't remember the Lazarus Project?" I asked.

"Shade…" Coulson advanced towards me, looking like he wanted to rip out my trachea and jump rope with it.

"I tried to warn you, I swear I did," I sang backing away while strumming away at the guitar. "Abandon hope all who enter here, the ones who ignored simply disappeared, all that you will find is hell waiting inside."

"Agent Shade, you are a danger to global security. You are now officially in SHIELD custody. Agent Romanov."

"C'mon Nat. Help a dangerous sociopath out," I grinned.

Natalia raised her hands defensively, "Oh no, I'm staying out of this one."

"Well, sir. We reach an impasse."

"Not quite," Coulson insisted, un-holstering his gun.

Guns. I don't like guns. Not the receiving ends of them at any rate.

"And that's my cue to leave."

"Stay right where you are," Coulson warned.

"You know what Coulson, I never did like you. You are an ass-hole."

I had backed myself into a corner. Coulson was closing the gap between us, reaching for the handcuffs he kept in his jacket. They weren't there of course, I'd nicked them as soon as I got back, but he didn't know that yet and I like to maintain whatever advantages I happen to gain. Directly behind Coulson, Natalia continued leaning against glass of Loki's cell, watching with a faintly amused expression. Behind her Loki watched as well, looking horrified and just a little bit confused. Quite frankly I was surprised he had kept shut up for this long.

Let's see, what can I use for a distraction?

"Loki, what are you doing?" I screamed.

Coulson and Natalia spun around, suddenly on high alert. Loki looked surprised for a moment then a wide grin appeared. The two agents turned back around to where I'd just disappeared from.

"Agent Romanov, report back to Director Fury immediately. I have an idea of where she's gone."

The sound of automatic doors closing echoed a moment then left the room empty and silent.

"Well, where does he think he's going?" I demanded, reappearing just outside of Loki's peripheral vision. "He doesn't know jack about where I like to hide."

"You know, I could have sworn at some point you said you liked these people," Loki noted, conversationally.

"Sure, I like the Avengers. Coulson's not an Avenger."

"What can I help you with this time?"

"First of all, I'd like to thank you for being a very conveniently located distraction."

He took a little bow. "Always happy to oblige."

Good for me, he was in the state of mind where he was basically my partner in crime.

I got up close to the glass, dramatically holding the back of my hand to the side of my mouth. He came close and I loudly whispered, "How's prison life been treating you?"

"Tell you the truth, the food is terrible."

"Ooh. Hate to be the one to tell Fury he's not getting tipped."

I sat cross legged on the ground and he followed suit.

"Quite frankly I'm concerned as to why I'm back in a cage I've already escaped once before," he admitted.

"Oh no, this isn't the same cage. This one's European."

He raised a questioning eyebrow.

"Ninety-nine point nine percent effective against chaos magic, and Juggernaut compatible," I explained.

His questioning look didn't waver.

"Punch it, I dare you," I insisted.

With obvious suspicion his eyes focussed on the glossy surface between us, then back on me.

I gave a short, encouraging nod, barely containing a smirk.

After another short moment of scepticism, he stepped back and threw a punch at the glass. To his obvious surprise, the glass gave a few inches before snapping back, sending him stumbling backwards before tripping on his own feet and falling on his backside.

I laughed aloud. The look on his face was priceless and not at all cheapened by the glare he shot me as he dusted himself off, with obvious care for his injured posterior.

"German engineering in the house," I grinned.

His eyes locked with mine and I could see the cogs turning in his head. "Magic resistant, you said?"

"Yup," I confirmed.

"I thought those of Midgard did not believe in magic, much less possess it."

"European history is pretty much two thirds magic, weather people believe it or not. Most people are willing to ignore it, but magic users have been cropping up all over the place lately. It's probably going to take the backseat to the whole mutant thing that's started going down, but it's caught enough attention to deserve a few of these," I tapped the glass – gently. "The European Union wanted to keep 'em on the down low, but Fury keeps tabs on these things."

"Well, that had to be the easiest interrogation there ever was," he said, the corners of his mouth gently curving upwards. "So, how does it work?"

I rolled my eyes, allowing myself a bit of a smile. "Some kind of thing that works as an insulator, I guess. I don't know I didn't study wibbly wobbly magic science stuff."

"And why did you not have this on your flying fortress?"

"Ehh… the bosses of my ex-boss didn't necessarily know it existed and someone thought avoiding an international incident was more important than, you know, the potential enslavement of humanity. But that's all sorted for now… sort of."

"Which brings us here," he assumed, gesturing to our surroundings.

"Casa del SHIELD; for the world traveller on a budget."

"Not exactly what I was expecting."

"Well where the crap else are we going to put you?" I demanded. "Oh, wait- we could hide you in children's closets and under beds."

"Is there any other reason you're here than to mock me?"

"... Nope. No, I don't think so. Oh, don't look so surprised. I like you. You're funny. Y'know, except for that whole enslaving humanity thing. No, I lied. That's pretty funny too."

"You doubt my power?"

"Nah. Cause enough trouble and the planet would take whoever stepped up to lead without a second thought. If life is shitty enough they'll just give up and take what they can get."

"So what is it that you find so amusing?"

"You think it's what you want." I laughed.

"Of course it is," he insisted, moving back behind the shield of his evil persona.

"No it's not." I looked him in the eyes now to make sure the message wasn't lost on him. "You just want someone proud of you."

The last shred good humor in his expression instantly dissipated.

I began building up the shadows around me to make myself look menacing as I tried my best to emulate a villain monologue. "You want praise. A feeling of worth. And maybe you'll get it for the first little while. But soon enough the fear starts to set in and all the little people start to wonder just who they're letting sit on the throne. Of course you have an army and any resistance is swiftly beaten out. That's when they start to hate you. Truly and honestly hate you. No one from Asguard comes to see your good work; they won't waste the time and energy. They don't _care_. So you sit on your throne with _no one._ The Avengers are long dead, obviously. They died fighting for the world they love so much, and I died fighting for them. Maybe your rule lasts relatively peacefully for several human generations. Maybe you cause a genocide or two just to pass time, how should I know. But eventually, they _will _start to grow restless. They start revolting, and you try to stamp it out like all the other times but this time it's different. This time they have _nothing_ to lose. And that is a dangerous thing. Talk of revolution spreads like fire across the planet. So you fight fire with fire and burn it all to the ground. And you still sit on your throne, now more alone than ever, and you watch your kingdom burn around you. Now you're king of nothing but ashes. You have nothing left. You can't return to Asgard. Midgard lies in ruin. You think the Chitauri and their rulers will welcome you with open arms? Think again."

I felt a faint sense of accomplishment as I rendered the trickster god speechless. Also the inexplicable feeling of pins and needles being shoved through my chest; I could see in his eyes it pained him to hear me say these things, and quite honestly it scared me that I could read him like an open book. I couldn't shake the feeling that by saying all of that out loud I'd just destroyed him, and I realised too late that that wasn't what I wanted to do. Not even close. And at the same time I feared I'd made him very angry.

"Of course that's only if you win. And you won't," I finished.

"And I suppose you think your precious Avengers are going to stop me," he spat.

"I think," I said, "they're going to save you."

He blinked, surprised.

There was a long silence as we stared at each other, each trying to gage the other's intentions.

"Do you sit about thinking up things to say in every situation?" he asked, finally.

I mentally breathed a sigh of relief that he'd determined I was still friend, not foe. Then I mentally berated myself for daring to be genuinely happy the enemy thought of me as a friend. Then I mentally told myself to screw the rules, I was allowed to like people sometimes. Then I mentally told myself to shut up, not with fascist super-jerks I wasn't.

Then I pulled myself together long enough to remember I was supposedly having a conversation with another person and replied, "Nah, I'm just good at making up clever sounding bullshit on the spot."

He looked at me thoughtfully for a moment. "I'm trying to think if that makes you a fool or almost as smart as me."

I rolled my eyes and scoffed indignantly. "Okay Narcissus."

"What did you call me?" a bit of a laugh crept into the question.

"The name of a handsome man who fell in love with his own damn reflection."

"Oh, so I'm handsome now?"

I opened my mouth to disagree, a little too defensively, but stopped myself, realising everything I said could and would be used against me. My eyes narrowed. "You..."

He just laughed, apparently finding my reaction utterly hilarious.

I crossed my arms childishly and waited for him to stop.

"Oh, I missed you," he sighed, finally getting a hold of his amusement.

My mind screeched to a halt.

"What?"

"What?"

"What did you just say?"

"I said what."

"Before that."

"Ocean."

"What?"

"Bilgesnipe."

"Loki-"

"Tree."

"Loki, I _invented _the random game. In the sixties. It _doesn't work on me_."

He chuckled, but it was dishonest. It sounded almost sad. "I know you did."

My eyes narrowed suspiciously. "What do you mean by-"

"Do you often dream?" he asked suddenly.

I frowned. "... No," I replied. "No, I don't."

It was a lie.

"Do you remember ever dreaming?" he pressed.

"No... not at all, no," I insisted.

"Was there a beach? Made from golden sand with all the cosmos in the sky reflected in the sea?"

"I don't know!" I snapped.

It was still a lie.

There was a long quiet between us.

"What was I like?" I asked, softly.

"Very much the same," he replied with a soft little smile. "You did not attempt to hit me quite as much, however."

I couldn't understand why it was that neither of us was really willing to approach the subject of whatever odd sort of friendship I couldn't remember.

"Please." Oh no. Not the puppy dog eyes. "Can't you remember anything?"

Years of training and infiltration screamed at me to lie my panties off to avoid revealing the smallest shred of personal information – and you don't just throw away your only bargaining chip – but normal tactics were getting me nowhere so I figured maybe if I gave up this much it would make him desperate enough to tell the rest. And I had never had an enemy I sort of liked before.

"I..." one last attempt to hold onto my lies clung to the edge of my mind before I managed to brush it off with a deep intake of breath. "I do remember a beach," I admitted. "I see it every time I close my eyes."

I could feel his hopeful gaze but dared not meet it.

"Tell me," he persuaded after I did not continue. He seemed to think I was on the verge of breaking into an emotional monologue. Maybe I was.

"No."

"Wh-"

"No."

There was no possible way for me to ever explain.

I looked at him then, and our eyes met. Big mistake.

"Why?" he asked. Pleading. Pained.

Fuck.

I breathed in again and, after a long pause, closed my eyes. I saw it. I took a moment before saying anything. "The sand is golden and glitters in the starlight." I laugh breathlessly for a moment as the alien world drew me back in. "I don't like gold," I muttered senselessly. "Gold's a gross color..." My grip on reality was slipping rapidly. I was fading and I wasn't even conscious of it.

A faraway voice called someone's name.

I was gone.

**I feel like I'm going to loose story followers for heading off the cannon storyline path but that's where this is going. I believe that you can't throw Shade into a situation and have it still turn out the same. I BELIEVE!**

**Loki may seem a little OOC but I assure you all will be explained in time.**

**Remember: reviews are the lifeblood of warriors and fuel of champions.**


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